4 Ways to Work Together With Our Kids for a Healthy Body Image

4 Ways to Work Together With Our Kids for a Healthy Body Image

 

By Courtney Cagle

 

Most of us have struggled with body image at one point or another. I remember struggling a lot my first year of college. Being away from home, around lots of other beautiful girls, and not receiving the compliments about my looks that I received often at home was hard for me. I started to feel that I wasn’t pretty enough, my legs weren’t skinny enough, my breasts were too small, and the list goes on and on. So, how did I overcome this? Well, I didn’t completely–I don’t think anyone ever does. I still sometimes struggle with body image, but it’s something that I’m getting better at.

Parents often worry about body image when it comes to their kids. But don’t worry! We can help our kids feel better about their bodies, but it does take some mental work from them and lots of love from us.

Here are 4 ways you and your children can work toward healthy body image:

1) Make a list of all of your wonderful attributes (at least 10!). If you make a list of the qualities and attributes that you possess that aren’t related to your looks, it will make you feel more confident in yourself and your abilities. You are unique and have so much to offer that isn’t related to the way you look. Understand that looks aren’t everything.

Questions you can ask to start a great discussion:

What is your favorite quality about yourself?

What is something you are good at?

Why am I loveable?

What are all the ways that I help others?

2) Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself just the way you are. This might feel silly at first, but I promise that it helps. It’s prevents you from looking in the mirror and criticizing yourself and instead helps you to accept yourself. At first, you won’t believe yourself, but over time, you actually believe what you’re saying in the mirror.

Questions you can ask to start a great discussion:

When you look in the mirror, what do you usually say?

How does it make you feel?

When you look in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself, how does it make you feel?

3) Be media literate and deconstruct images you view. Media literacy is defined as the ability to analyze and evaluate media. Being media literate helps kids and adults to understand what the media is trying to portray. When we deconstruct images, we take them apart and evaluate their purpose. This helps us foster a positive body image because it allows us to see the tricks the media uses and makes us realize that many of the images we see are unrealistic.

Questions you can ask to start a great discussion:

Look at an ad with your child. What is it trying to sell? Why do ads try to sell perfection?

Look at a magazine together. Does the person on the cover look like any real people you know? Why or why not?

Visit our Kids Activity Page for related exercises!

4) Accept your strengths and weaknesses. We ALL have weaknesses. We ALL have strengths. It’s good to recognize your weaknesses, but don’t dwell on them. Focus on your strengths. Understand that it’s okay to have weaknesses because we all do, but don’t let that fill your mind with negative thoughts. You have wonderful strengths that you can utilize. Maybe you don’t see them at the moment, but you will (Halsted, 2016). Ask a family member or a friend to list a strength they see in you, then hold onto that and remind yourself. Don’t focus on the way you look or the way others see you. Instead, focus on the strengths you have and what you bring to the table.

Questions you can ask to start a great discussion:

What are some of your perceived weaknesses ?

How can weaknesses help to make you stronger?

Do I focus on my weaknesses too much?

What are some of your strengths?

How can you use them in your life?

Teach your kids that they have much to offer besides their body. Our bodies have many abilities that have nothing to do with our size, shape, or the way we look. We can work through negative body image by using these steps and applying them to life on a daily basis. Help children to understand this and if you are struggling with body image, use these tips in your life too!

For more information on teaching your kids about body image, check out our books on body image. To discuss this topic with boys, check out Messages About Me: Wade’s Story, A Boy’s Quest for Healthy Body Image. To discuss this topic with girls, check out Messages About Me: Sydney’s Story, A Girl’s Journey to Healthy Body Image.

For more ideas about discussing media literacy check out this podcast or our read-along book, Petra’s Power to See.

Courtney is a senior at Brigham Young University-Idaho graduating in Marriage and Family Studies. She loves kids and wants to help create a safe environment for all children to learn and grow.

 

Citations:

Alexander, D. (2018, April 24). A Lesson About Media Literacy. Retrieved June 15, 2018, from https://educateempowerkids.org/lesson-media-literacy/?nabe=4694234694418432:1,6638898712412160:0

Halsted, E. (2016, February 22). How to Have a Positive Body Image. Retrieved June 15, 2018, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemporary-psychoanalysis-in-action/201602/how-have-positive-body-image

Wardenburg Health Services. (2018, January 16). Healthy Buffs: Developing a positive body image. Retrieved June 15, 2018, from https://www.colorado.edu/today/2017/11/15/healthy-buffs-developing-positive-body-image

Cómo los padres pueden ayudar a los niños a superar la adicción a la pornografía

Cómo los padres pueden ayudar a los niños a superar la adicción a la pornografía

 

Mary Ann Benson, M.S.W., L.S.W.

Traducido por L. Antonio Mayen Castellanos

 

La adicción ha sido definida como:

 “Una enfermedad primaria, crónica de recompensa cerebral, motivación, memoria y circuitos relacionados. Esto se refleja en un individuo que persigue patológicamente la recompensa y / o el alivio mediante el uso de sustancias y otros comportamientos. Se caracteriza por la incapacidad de abstenerse constantemente, el deterioro en el control de la conducta, el deseo, la disminución del reconocimiento de problemas significativos con los comportamientos y las relaciones interpersonales, y una respuesta emocional disfuncional. Al igual que otras enfermedades crónicas, la adicción a menudo involucra ciclos de recaída y remisión. Sin tratamiento o participación en actividades de recuperación, la adicción es progresiva y puede resultar en discapacidad o muerte prematura ” (ASAM, n.d.).

En nuestra cultura, cuando ocurren los síntomas físicos, hacemos una cita con nuestro médico de atención primaria para abordar nuestras inquietudes. La adicción a menudo se basa en los síntomas emocionales o mentales que nos sentimos incapaces de curar porque parecen ser menos concretos. Así que los ignoramos y nos involucramos en conductas adictivas para aliviar esos síntomas. Desafortunadamente, nuestros comportamientos son solo un respiro temporal de nuestro malestar emocional. No hemos llegado a la verdadera fuente de nuestro desequilibrio emocional y el ciclo de la adicción continúa, y generalmente aumenta. Como padres de niños que luchan por superar la adicción a la pornografía, hay algunos pasos simples que puede tomar para ayudar a su hijo en su camino hacia la recuperación.

1.Reconoce la adicción. Es necesario que haya discusiones continuas y francas sobre la naturaleza de la adicción que su hijo inicia. Este es a menudo el paso más difícil en el proceso de recuperación, y debe responderse de manera sensible y positiva. Su hijo debe ser felicitado por presentarse con información tan difícil.

2. Ofrezca amor y apoyo incondicionales. Su hijo necesita saber que usted estará disponible para ayudarlo sin importar lo que resulte ser el proceso de recuperación. Eso significa que usted seguirá brindando apoyo si se producen recaídas, que a menudo son probables.

3. Facilite la exploración de opciones de tratamiento, que incluyen asesoramiento individual y / o reuniones de recuperación de adicciones. Su hijo debe tener la oportunidad de participar en la elección de un consejero con el que él o ella pueda involucrarse, con su opinión para asegurar que el profesional tenga las credenciales y la experiencia necesarias para satisfacer las necesidades de su hijo. Si el niño es joven (menor de 12 años), el padre debe tener la responsabilidad de elegir al terapeuta. Las reuniones de recuperación de la adicción pueden no ser apropiadas para niños pequeños, y ese problema podría explorarse con el terapeuta.

4. Abstenerse de hacer que su hijo se sienta culpable o avergonzado. La vergüenza y la culpa no tienen cabida en el proceso de recuperación. Son contraproducentes para el progreso y solo sabotearán el éxito de su hijo para superar el comportamiento adictivo.

5. Explore las necesidades emocionales que se están satisfaciendo con la participación de su hijo con la pornografía. Pregúntele a su hijo qué fue lo que lo impulsó a participar en la visualización de material pornográfico por primera vez. ¿Fue para llenar algún déficit emocional? ¿Funcionó?

6. Explore comportamientos alternativos y saludables que podrían satisfacer las necesidades emocionales de su hijo. Ayude a su hijo a descubrir la variedad de actividades y pasatiempos saludables y positivos que pueden satisfacer sus necesidades emocionales y contribuir a su salud emocional.

7. Respete la privacidad de su hijo. Este tema profundamente personal debe seguir siendo un asunto privado que se comparte de forma selectiva y solo con el permiso de su hijo. La recuperación puede verse comprometida si alguien siente que todos los observan y esperan que fracasen. Es necesario que exista un círculo limitado de personas involucradas en las dinámicas diarias de la recuperación de su hijo.

8. Enseñe a su hijo la autorregulación, que es la capacidad de modular el sistema nervioso (emociones). Esta tarea debe ser aprendida en la infancia o la adolescencia. Esta es una tarea desafiante cuando los niños suelen ser impulsivos y buscan recompensas instantáneas, que tienen un fuerte vínculo con la adicción. Más que cualquier otro factor, la autorregulación se correlaciona con una vida exitosa. (Laird, R., n.d.)

9. Cree un sistema de refuerzo positivo (que no implique dinero o alimentos) que validará los esfuerzos y el progreso de su hijo. Tener incentivos para un comportamiento positivo es poderoso, y planificar una salida o actividad especial a medida que su hijo progresa puede ser un motivador significativo para el cambio.

10. Seguir hablando. Manténgase en contacto constante con los sentimientos de su hijo mientras atraviesan el difícil proceso de superar una adicción. Un proceso ocurre con un pequeño paso a la vez. Camine junto a su hijo mientras emprende este desafiante viaje hacia la recuperación y la paz. Compartir esta experiencia profunda con su hijo creará un vínculo que será extremadamente significativo para ambos.

Para obtener más información sobre este tema, consulte nuestro libro Cómo hablar con sus hijos sobre la pornografía.

Citas:

Definition of Addiction. (n.d.). Retrieved January 22, 2015 from http://www.asam.org/for-the-public/definition-of-addiction

Laird, R. (n.d.) Americans and Technology, Ideas for Parents and Kids, Retrieved January 22, 2015.

Lección: Usando la tecnología para bien

Lección: Usando la tecnología para bien

 

 

La tecnología en nuestros días, ha sido tanto una bendición como una maldición. Se ofrece una oportunidad para un avance tremendo, mientras que a la vez a menudo sofoca las conexiones sociales significativas, permitiéndonos ignorarnos fácilmente incluso en la misma habitación.

 

Es importante para todos nosotros, especialmente para los niños, saber dónde, cuándo y cómo es apropiado usar la tecnología de manera positiva.

Descarga la lección aquí

Desafia a tu familia para que sus interacciones con los medios sean más positivas. Establece una meta para publicar solo cosas positivas por una semana. Anima a los miembros de la familia a compartir ejemplos edificantes, informativos o humorísticos.

 

Vea todos nuestros libros aquí.

My Body is Mine: Teaching Kids Appropriate Touch

My Body is Mine: Teaching Kids Appropriate Touch

 

By: Courtney Cagle

 

Ever wonder how to discuss what type of touching is appropriate with your kids? It’s a sensitive topic and one that should be discussed at an early age. You don’t have to start with anything extreme. Start where you feel comfortable. Kids can learn basic things when they are younger and the topics can get more and more real the older they get.

Here are 9 guidelines for teaching kids about appropriate touch:

Use real and practical terms with your kids. Kids are smarter than you think. You don’t have to baby-talk with them when discussing these sensitive topics. Kids who are two years old can understand there are parts of the body that are private to them. It’s important for parents to teach kids the real terms for their body parts. Don’t use nicknames when it comes to their anatomy (Alexander & Merhdad, 2015).  

Teach them that their body is theirs and they own it. Children need to learn at a young age that their body is their own and they are in control of who touches it. They are allowed to be in control of what they do with their body because it is theirs. This involves simple actions like holding hands with someone or giving a kiss to a family member. If they don’t want to, they shouldn’t have to. For more help on discussing this, check our books, 30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 3-7, 8-11, and 12+ (Alexander & Merhdad, 2015).

Keep the conversations easy. Help your kids feel comfortable discussing these topics with you by making it easy. This doesn’t mean using baby-talk. But don’t talk like a textbook either. Try to make your talks feel natural. These are serious discussions, but you want your kids to feel comfortable enough to ask questions if they have any. Chat at dinner time or in the car to increase their sense of comfort. There’s a healthy way and an unhealthy way to go about talking to your children about these serious topics. To get a better idea of how to handle these discussions, check out this video (Minocha, 2017).

Explain that they shouldn’t be touched anywhere that makes them uncomfortable. Kids need to learn not to be touched where their underwear is, but also not to be touched anywhere they don’t want to be touched. If there is an area of the body they don’t want to be touched, they shouldn’t be. The mouth can be considered a private area, so teach your children this (‘10 Tips for Teaching Kids About Good Touch Bad Touch,’ 2018).   

Help them understand that they can say “no” to affection. Kids have the right to say “no” when it comes to showing affection to anyone, even family members. They need to know they are allowed to say no and that they should always tell a trusted adult if something happens that makes them have bad feelings. Help your kids understand that they can’t say “no” when you ask them to pick up their toys or do their homework, but they can say “no” when it comes to giving hugs, kisses, or other forms of affection, even to you. Many parents tell their kids to kiss or hug people who they are close to. It’s easy as a parent to force affection, but it’s essential for kids to know that they have the power to say “no” when it comes to their body. A hug or a kiss isn’t necessarily a bad touch, but it is if they don’t want it (Alexander & Mehrdad, 2015).

Have them practice speaking up when they feel uncomfortable. If children get a weird vibe from a stranger or even a family member, let them know they can tell you. Teach them it’s even okay for them to yell! If they are confident and feel that they can shout or talk to you in these situations, they are more likely to do so. It’s wonderful to help them understand that they are able to say “no” or stop, but it’s also beneficial to have them practice it. Children should act out saying “stop” or “no” to someone who does something that makes them uncomfortable. Then, they need to know to tell a trusted adult what has happened (Minocha, 2017), (‘10 Tips for Teaching Kids About Good Touch Bad Touch’, 2018).

Teach them to trust their instincts and feelings. If kids have a bad feeling, they should know to get away from that person or situation. They need to learn that they will have negative responses to bad situations. Teach kids to recognize physical stress reactions, like butterflies in their tummy or feeling dizzy or their palms getting sweaty. Tell them that they can tell a parent or a trusted adult if they feel this way. Here are some questions you might ask your child to help them better understand this (from our book, 30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 3-7):

What are instincts?

What do instincts feel like?

What does that “icky” feeling mean?

Have you ever had that “icky” or “scary” feeling?

You can also ask them how they feel when they see an animal or insect they are scared of or when they see their favorite food to help them better understand what their instincts are telling them (‘10 Tips for Teaching Kids About Good Touch Bad Touch’, 2018), (Alexander & Mehrdad, 2015).

Help them understand what safe and appropriate touch is. Good touch is something that will give a safe and happy feeling. Parents’ touches are usually comforting and pleasant. Teach kids that there are times when it is necessary for their private area to be touched when they go to the doctor, as long as a parent is present, and when they take a bath or use the restroom.

Examples of good touch are hugs, kisses, high-fives, holding hands, handshakes, arm squeezes, back scratches, etc. Teach your kids good touch along with bad touch so they have a clear understanding (‘10 Tips for Teaching Kids About Good Touch Bad Touch’, 2018).

Make them feel comfortable with their body. Let kids know their body is an amazing and wonderful tool that will help them throughout their life. You want them to value and appreciate their body for what it does. Parents can teach children to value their body by setting a healthy example, talking about all the wonderful functions of their body, and by helping them take care of their body. Be the one to teach them that their body is amazing and show them it’s important to treat your body right. It all ties together, and they will recognize that (Scott, 2015).

Teaching your children about appropriate touch will empower them to stand up for themselves and their bodies. Educate and Empower Kids has a variety of resources to help you make these tough topics easy!

Find all of our books here

Books:

30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 3-7, ,Ages 8-11, or 12+

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography

Podcasts featuring EEK CEO, Dina Alexander:

Talking to Kids about Sex with Moms Who Know

How To Talk to Your Kids About Sex with Dr. Robyn Silverman

How to Talk to Your Kids About Porn with Carol the Coach

Lessons and Articles:

Lesson: Good Touch/Bad Touch

Talking with Young Children about Sex

Talking with Your Teen about Sex

 

Courtney Cagle is a senior at Brigham Young University-Idaho graduating in Marriage and Family Studies. She loves kids and wants to help create a safe environment for all children to learn and grow.

 

Citations:

Alexander, D., & Mehrdad, J. (2015). 30 days of sex talks, for 3-7 year-olds: Empowering your child with knowledge of sexual intimacy. Lexington, KY: Educate and Empower Kids.

(Ed.). (2018, March 27). 10 Tips for Teaching Kids About Good Touch Bad Touch. Retrieved May 11, 2018, from https://b-inspiredmama.com/10-tips-for-teaching-kids-about-good/

Minocha, A. (2017, December 06). Good Touch vs Bad Touch: 5 Ways To Educate Your Child. Retrieved May 11, 2018, from https://flintobox.com/blog/parenting/touch-good-vs-bad-educate-child

Scott, A. (2015, April 25). A Lesson About Good Touch/Bad Touch – Educate Empower Kids. Retrieved from http://bit.ly/2tS1R1g

Tyagi, V. (2015, August 31). Teaching Children About Good Touch Bad Touch. Retrieved May 11, 2018, from https://www.wisdomtimes.com/blog/teaching-children-about-good-touch-bad-touch/

Three Generations of Silence: How Do We Turn This Around?

Three Generations of Silence: How Do We Turn This Around?

 

By Marina Spears

1957: A 17-year-old girl gets pulled into an empty stairwell at school. A boy puts his hands all over her breasts, sticks his tongue in her mouth, and runs away. At the time, she tells no one and never returns to school.

1980: A 12-year-old girl is playing hide-and-go-seek with friends; one of them is the most popular boy in her class. She finds him hiding in a backyard. He grabs her, puts his hand down her pants and up her shirt, and runs away. At the time, she tells no one.

2011: A 15-year-old girl is in her high school cafeteria surrounded by other students. A boy comes up behind her and puts his hands all over her breasts. At the time, she tells no one.

The first girl is my mother, the second is me, and the third is my daughter. Three generations, three accounts of sexual harassment, three silent girls. Why?

For my mother, she said she was so ashamed by the experience she simply could not share what happened. For me, I was so embarrassed and afraid of what could happen if I shared that I made the decision to not say a word. My daughter did eventually share with me what occurred, but she would not reveal who did it and insisted that she had handled it.

These three examples from my own family are not uncommon. A recent report from NPR quoted a study that stated 81% of women have experienced some form of sexual harassment. 77% reported verbal harassment, 51% reported unwanted touching, and 41% reported being  sexually harassed online. The report explained the majority of girls handled the situation by adjusting their own behavior rather than confronting the harasser or making it known to someone else (Chatterjee, 2018).

Some studies have indicated that as young girls transition through adolescence, they separate themselves from what they know about the world around them, their identity, and repress it. It is during this time of adolescence that “girls are in danger of losing their voice” (Gilligan et al.,1990). It is believed that since girls tend to have a much greater sensitivity to relationship nuances and place a higher importance on intimacy, they are willing to suppress their “voice” to make others happy. Young girls also have lower self esteem, so the desire to conform is pressing. It is at the same ages of 14 to 17 years old that most girls first experience some form of sexual harassment (Chatterjee, 2018). This is a dangerous combination that feeds the silence.

What do we do?

Sexual harassment is unlikely to happen in front of us, so we cannot be the protectors. We must instill in our daughters, nieces, and granddaughters the strength to stand up and speak out. Here are some ideas to help you get started.

  • Teach your daughters that their voices and opinions matter! Ask them what they think, ask for their suggestions when making family decisions, give them opportunities to share their ideas, and build upon their strengths.
  • Teach your sons to respect women in their language, behavior, and treatment. Set a good example for them; don’t laugh at humor that belittles women and don’t listen to music or watch media that sexualizes and objectifies females. Praise them when they are respectful.
  • Have open and ongoing conversations about sex, boundaries, consent etc., not just a one-time talk or a once-a-year lesson. These should be open-ended, family conversations. Don’t be afraid of “hard topics,” such as masturbation, birth control, rape, etc.
  • Avoid using shame, such as using words like “dirty, sinful, or perverse” or analogies like “chewed up gum” as deterrents for sexual behavior. This can cause children to feel responsible if they have been harassed and to keep it quiet. You always want them to feel that speaking to you about intimacy or harrassment is the safest place for them.
  • Focus on the beauty of relationships and intimacy when teaching your children about sex. Let them know they can come to you with any questions or concerns, and you will always do your best to answer them honestly.
  • Stay emotionally connected. If your child feels off center, dig a bit deeper. Watch your child’s body language. Look for signs of withdrawal from normal activities with family and friends and a lack of interest in usual interests. Trust your instincts; if your child doesn’t’ seem like their usual self, ask them about it
  • Teach your kids that sexual harassment IS bullying.
  • Follow your gut. If you feel something’s “not quite right,” trust it and inquire.

Want to help someone? Share this article!

Educate and Empower Kids is passionate about helping parents deal with issues such as sexual harassment, in all its forms. For great ideas and support to help you start talking about this and tons of other subjects, check out our lessons, latest news, videos, and other resources that can assist you in helping your daughter keep her voice strong.

Find all of our amazing parenting resources here!

 

Marina Spears received her Bachelor of Science in Marriage and Family Studies from BYU Idaho.  She runs the student guidance program at the Summit School of the Poconos, and facilitates a support group for families of addicts. She is also a contributing writer and editor at Educate and Empower Kids.  She is the mother of five children and loves to spend time with her family.

Citations:

Chatterjee, R. (2018, February 21). A New Survey Finds 81 Percent Of Women Have Experienced Sexual Harassment. Retrieved from NPR: https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/02/21/587671849/a-new-survey-finds-eighty-percent-of-women-have-experienced-sexual-harassment

Gilligan, C., Lyons, N., & Hanmer, T. (1990). Making Connections: The Relational Worlds of Adolescent Girls at Emma Willard School. Cambridge: Harvard University Press.

 

Lesson: Think Before You Speak, Post or Hit Send

Lesson: Think Before You Speak, Post or Hit Send

 

The words we choose to speak or post online have the power to build others up or tear them down. They can impact the way others view us and our interpersonal relationships at school, work, and home. When we speak before thinking or post something inappropriate online, it can have lasting consequences on our reputations and affect the reputations of others.

Our words and posts create either positive or negative ripples, or small waves of change. They can influence others’ perceptions, our own thinking, and the future course of our lives. Once we say something, it can be very hard to take it back; when we post something online, it is permanent. All of the comments we leave on social media, apps, texts, and emails are part of what is called our digital footprint and contribute to the portrait of who we are online.

 

This lesson is full of great discussion points, thought-provoking questions for younger and older kids, as well as activities to help our kids realize that their words have a huge impact on those around them!

Download the Lesson Here!

 

Need a great kids’ book to teach kids about digital citizenship and how to use tech for good? Check out Noah’s New Phone.

Check out all of our EEK Books here!

Will Your Child be the Porn Industry’s Next Casualty? The Latest Trends that You Need to Know

Will Your Child be the Porn Industry’s Next Casualty? The Latest Trends that You Need to Know

 

By Trishia Van Orden

Year after year, the porn industry works tirelessly to find creative methods to attract new consumers and keep the old ones. They follow trends and events that happen throughout the year and create content from the latest fads and innovations. PornHub, one of the leading porn providers, with 33.5 billion visits in 2018 have released their yearly statistics.This includes the most popular searches on the PornHub site.

It may be shocking to discover the leading searches were related to popular video games like Fortnite, anime, and even cartoons, such as Elastigirl from Disney’s movie The Incredibles. Pokemon, Spiderman, Mario Brothers, Zelda and other characters we would normally associate with children are being used to entice them onto the site. As parents we must do all we can to understand what the porn industry is doing to attract our children to their sites and ensnare them.

The porn industry doesn’t stay confined to their own sites to lure kids and teens they use a variety of other platforms such as:

Social Media

Social media is an ever present entity in the lives of today’s youth and the porn industry is very aware of this fact (Statista, 2018). According to sources from Xbiz (a porn and sex industry website) the main target consumers are “mobile-based Gen Z” and millennials (Xbiz Staff, 2019). One CEO quoted in a marketing trend article said the best marketing strategy of 2018 was “Taking 20 of the biggest name stars in our industry that we have signed to us and using their social media to post all the stores that carry our line — Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, etc” (Xbiz Staff, 2019).

Does anyone else find this concerning? If the porn industry is posting their content on Snapchat, Instagram and Twitter, who do you think are most likely to see it? Our children! Our teenagers spend about 9 hours a day on the internet (Tsukayama, 2015). That is 9 hours that they could be exposed to pornography without us even knowing it. However, social media is not the only place that the porn industry is hiding.

Video Games

Another major way that the porn and sex industries have been targeting our children is through video games and video gaming consoles. According to PornHub’s 2018 year in review XBox, Playstation, Nintendo 3DS, PlayStation Vita and Nintendo Wii U all have ways to access PornHub servers. PornHub also mentioned that the Nintendo Switch has a hidden web browsing function that could allow users to gain access in the future.

Along with these gaming consoles, porn is readily available on gaming websites such as Steam and gog.com. And if that wasn’t bad enough, as of last year, one of the largest porn companies in the industry has decided to wet their feet in the video gaming industry. They even offer some of their games for free, which means that there is no “paywall” safety net to stop underage users (Miller, 2018).

Some games to watch out for are:

  • Huniepop
  • Mutiny
  • Tropical Liquor
  • Kindred Spirits on the Roof
  • VR Kanojo
  • Negligee: Love Stories
  • Games containing the word: Hentai

There have also been reports of porn bots contacting people via the chat options on some gaming systems  (Farough, 2017). These bots are trying to get players to interact with them and follow them to their website. While most of these bots are scams, there is still the danger that your children could be exposed.

Augmented and Virtual Reality

While the porn industry has seen astonishing growth with virtual reality over the last three to four years, augmented reality (when objects from the real world are placed in a digital one) has made a debut. Augmented reality porn can be accessed with a phone instead of having to wear a head-mounted display, which gives the user a better ease of access. Instead of having to be attached to a video game system, they can now watch augmented reality porn anywhere they have internet access, including trains, parks, stores, and friends houses.

What can parents do?

  • Educate yourself and your kids. Be informed about the dangers of pornography and how it affects us. Help your children understand the risks of pornography and what to do if they come across it.
  • It is very important to speak to both boys and girls, there is a misconception that boys are the only ones who frequent porn sites, and that is simply not the case. A  study showed that one-third of girls reported using pornography. Don’t leave them out of the conversation. (Carroll, Padilla-Walker, Nelson, Olson, McNamara Barry, Madsen, 2008)
  • If you allow social media, discuss with your children how to use their accounts wisely. Friend or follow them and stay informed on what they are sharing and viewing.
  • Be aware of what video games your children are playing or exposed to.
  • Use parental controls and internet filters on your internet and electronic devices. Make sure that your video game system is set to private and that all parental controls are working.  
  • Create and use a family media guideline.  
  • Stay up-to-date on the latest trends in the digital world. Knowing what is happening around us will help us know how to better protect our families.

Remember that it is always better for your children to get their information from you and not the internet. Please take the time to sit down and discuss the dangers of pornorgaphy and what to do if they do come across it. Don’t be scared to talk about pornography with your kids, it could be the difference between addition and freedom.

For more information about how to talk to your kids about the dangers of pornography check out our book How to Talk to Your Kids about Pornography.

Ready to Talk with your kids about the dangers of online porn? Check out our new, 2nd edition!

 

Trishia Van Orden has a Bachelor’s Degree in Marriage and Family Studies from Brigham Young University-Idaho. She has a love for psychology and hopes to one day open a Family Life Education Center where she lives. She is currently writing for Educate and Empower Kids and working as a volunteer in a girl’s youth group program. She is also a wife and mother of three beautiful girls.

 

Citations:

Jason S. Carroll, Laura M. Padilla-Walker, Larry J. Nelson, Chad D. Olson, Carolyn McNamara Barry, Stephanie D. Madsen (2008, Jan) Generation XXX: Pornography Acceptance and Use Among Emerging Adults, Journal of Adolescent Research, Volume: 23 issue: 1, page(s): 6-30

Farough, A. (2017, Aug 8). PlayStation network and xbox live have a porn bot spam problem. Retrieved Jan 13, 2019, from https://mic.com/articles/183416/playstation-network-and-xbox-live-have-a-porn-bot-spam-problem#.dyV47JhfH

Miller, B. (2018, Sep 28). Largest Pornography Company Targets Video Game Industry. Retrieved Jan 12, 2019, from https://endsexualexploitation.org/articles/largest-pornography-company-targets-video-game-industry/

Statista. (2018, Oct). Most popular social networks of teenagers in the united states from fall 2012 to fall 2018. United States. Retrieved Jan 12, 2019, from https://www.statista.com/statistics/250172/social-network-usage-of-us-teens-and-young-adults/
Tsukayama, H. (2015, Nov 3). Teens spend nearly nine hours every day consuming media. Retrieved Jan 13, 2019, from https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-switch/wp/2015/11/03/teens-spend-nearly-nine-hours-every-day-consuming-media/?utm_term=.e1a162053d3d

Xbiz Staff. (2019, Jan 11). Execs of 2018: Pleasure product sales pros discuss year’s biggest trends. Retrieved from https://www.xbiz.com/features/240746/execs-of-2018-pleasure-product-sales-pros-discuss-years-biggest-trends

Xbiz Staff. (2019, Jan 9). Execs of 2018: Retail industry business leaders reveal their top strategies. Retrieved Jan 12, 2019, from https://www.xbiz.com/features/240743/execs-of-2018-retail-industry-business-leaders-reveal-their-top-strategies

Xbiz Staff. (2019, Jan 8). Execs of 2018: Retail industry marketing pros shed light on millennial market. Retrieved from https://www.xbiz.com/features/240742/execs-of-2018-retail-industry-marketing-pros-shed-light-on-millennial-market

December 11, 2. (2019, January 10). 2018 Year in Review. Retrieved February 1, 2019, from https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2018-year-in-review

 

Digital Immigrants and Digital Natives: Creating Connections Between You and Your Kids

Digital Immigrants and Digital Natives: Creating Connections Between You and Your Kids

 

By Marina Spears

 

It’s the bottom of the ninth. The score is tied. Your daughter comes up to the plate. You can feel the anticipation of everyone around you. You stand up, blow a whistle and yell, “Sorry, Sally! It’s time for dinner; we have to go.”  “Come on,” you say, “it’s just a game.” This would be unimaginable. What parent would ever interrupt a baseball game to call their child to dinner? We appreciate our children’s involvement in sports. We encourage it and take pride in it. It is of value to us.

Now imagine this scene: Dinner is ready, and you can hear your son upstairs playing a game online with his friends.You call him for dinner. He explains he can’t get off right now because he and his friends are in the middle of a mission and they need him.  You go upstairs and shut off the gaming system. Your son is furious. “Don’t you understand we were right there, about to complete the mission and finish the game?” Your son exclaims, “How could you do that?!”

The reality is, most of us don’t understand what our kids’ games are about. We feel like we can walk over and shut down a computer game because we don’t really care about the game, and many of us find video games annoying, and of little value. But what about the son? What is important to him and what does he value?

This comparison may seem extreme, and I am not trying to suggest that video games and playing sports should have the same level of priority. What’s important is to understand is the value our children place on online social culture: It is the culture of their time. We hung out and connected with friends at a video arcade or the mall; they hang out online and it is just as important to them!

Our children are “digital natives,” which means they have been brought up in the age of digital technology. Social media and online gaming are their native language. We, as their parents, are the “digital immigrants”–and we are the ones having trouble catching on to the language, nuances, digital culture, digital norms and customs. It can be easy to minimize their importance, especially when we don’t completely understand it, but that is a mistake!

I recently interviewed Sarah McCarroll, M.D., a school psychologist, and she pointed out that when parents do this, they are missing an important opportunity to connect with their children. She says, “Parents have to work harder at understanding what their children like to do online and show interest in it.” She explained further, “When a child is excitedly telling you about the new levels he has just conquered in a video game,  sit and listen.” When we blow them off, they shut down and may not share with us about it again.

The best way to establish fair rules that make sense about something is to understand it.  If not we are in the dark. McCarroll says, “Being in dark about our kids’ online activity is not the best place to be.” She continued, “So much of what our children come in contact with is out of our control, but we have control over our relationship with them, and that must be our primary focus.”

McCarroll suggests parents find ways to stay connected to their kids.One way to do that is to respect what children show interest in and what they value. They need Mom and Dad actively parenting, providing feedback, acknowledgement, and guidance.

Even though levels of self care are increased, teens need their parents more than ever.  It may not be obvious with all of the eye rolling; it is natural for teens to pull back from parents and turn to peers, but that does not mean parents need to pull back as well. Even if they respond with one-word answers, their response is not what is important; it is the fact that you asked the question.  So…

  • Respond with interest when they share  about a friend’s post on Instagram

  • Take time to watch the “hysterical YouTube video”

  • Listen with intent when they share about the level they are trying to reach; you may even ask them to teach you how to play

  • Value what they find important because you love them, not because you necessarily like Minecraft

For more ideas about how to connect with your kids, check out our book, 30 Days to a Stronger Child, which provides opportunities to have deep conversations about vital topics such as Respect, Initiative, Community, Assertiveness, and more. Communicate, teach and connect!

Available in paperback or Kindle!

Check out Noah’s New Phone for a great story and great ideas on how your family can use tech for good!

Marina Spears received her Bachelor of Science in Marriage and Family Studies from BYU Idaho.  She runs the student guidance program at the Summit School of the Poconos, and facilitates a support group for families of addicts. She is also a contributing writer and editor at Educate and Empower Kids.  She is the mother of five children and loves to spend time with her family.

Sarah McCarroll, M.S., earned her degree from the University of Pennsylvania, has been a school psychologist for 18 years, working with students at the junior high and high school levels for much of her career. She is married to a high school teacher/coach and is the mother of 3 children, who are also at the junior high and high school levels.  She believes in advocating for students with disabilities and their families through teamwork with wonderful educators. She is a co-founder of STARs, a program targeting at-risk girls, to reduce girl/girl violence by promoting positive sisterhood.

Is Your Child’s Porn Habit Really an Addiction?

Is Your Child’s Porn Habit Really an Addiction?

 

By Courtney Cagle

 

At what point does a habit become an addiction? This is a question that many of you probably have had. My best friend starting looking at pornography 18 years ago when he was only 11 years old, and he didn’t realize it was a true addiction until about year ago. Many people, like my friend live with an addiction for years. Meanwhile, they are in denial or don’t recognize what it truly means to have an addiction.

What is a Habit?

A habit is a behavior that occurs automatically. It’s something that a person does over and over again. People form these habits and tend to keep them throughout their lifetime. People form positive and negative habits. Most don’t often notice their own habits, but may notice other people’s habits and find them annoying. Positive habits can be wonderful, but negative habits can lead to a lifelong addiction (Admin, 2011).

What is an Addiction?

Addiction occurs when a habit has changed the neural pathways in the brain. At this point, it feels impossible to stop repeating the negative behavior. Many people have a hard time identifying the difference between a habit and an addiction, but a good way to discover it is to try and stop the behavior. If your child is unable to stop a certain behavior, this is a good sign that it has passed the point of a habit and has turned into an addiction.

Addictions can sometimes be used as an escape or coping mechanism because of stress, loneliness, anxiety, or other difficulties. Addictions usually affect relationships and the addict’s behavior. Functioning at work or in a relationship becomes difficult and sometimes impossible (Admin, 2011).

Pornography’s Effect on the Brain

So, how does this apply to pornography? Pornography affects the brain in a similar way as a drug. The brain has a reward center and our brain can’t tell the difference between receiving a  real, healthy reward and drugs. Addictive substances activate the reward center which results in dopamine (pleasure chemicals) being released. The cravings get stronger as more dopamine is released into the brain, and the consumer wants more and more of the drug (How Porn Affects The Brain Like A Drug, 2017), (Alexander & Mehrdad, 2016).

Pornography does the same thing. The brain releases more dopamine when introduced to new sexual stimuli. There is a huge variety of new pornographic images on the internet that consumers can view. If the image they are currently viewing no longer stimulates the viewer, there is always something different and more titillating to click on. Pornography addiction is progressive. Many individuals begin looking at gateway images like anime porn, which lead to scantily clad women, which lead to nude women, which lead to sex between a man and a woman, and so on.

If the pornography habit isn’t caught early, the viewer can begin craving content more frequently, or will often turn to more hard-core, dehumanizing porn in order to release the amount of dopamine needed to satisfy them sexually. This makes it more difficult to quit and can result in withdrawal symptoms that are similar to drug withdrawal symptoms (How Porn Affects The Brain Like A Drug, 2017), (Alexander & Mehrdad, 2016).

So, how can you tell if your child has a habit or an addiction to pornography?

Here are some questions you can ask your son or daughter if you have discovered they are looking at porn, to help determine if they have a pornography addiction.

  1. Does viewing pornography have a negative effect on your daily happiness?
  2. Do you put yourself in situations where it is easier to view porn?
  3. When you aren’t looking at pornography on a daily or weekly basis, does it result in withdrawal symptoms like stress, anger, depression, or anxiety?
  4. Do you try to hide your pornography use from your parents or others?
  5. Have you tried multiple times, unsuccessfully, to stop looking at pornography on your own?
  6. Have you noticed pornography affecting your schooling, specifically how well you do in school or your desire to try?
  7. Have you noticed pornography affecting your personal relationships negatively by making you more distant or closed off?
  8. Have you noticed an increase in the amount of pornography used over the past six months? Over the past year?
  9. How often do you view porn? Is it daily, weekly, monthly?
  10. Do you ever feel like your porn use is out of control?

If your son or daughter answered yes to any of these questions, they might have a pornography addiction (Habit vs. Addiction: 4 Questions To Determine The Difference, 2017), (Pornography Addiction and Treatment, 2018), (Alexander & Mehrdad, 2016). If you are uncomfortable asking these questions, here are some signs you can look for to see if your son or daughter has been looking a pornography:

  1. Does your son or daughter hide their phone from you or try to be secretive about it?
  2. Have you seen questionable websites on your browser history?
  3. Is your son or daughter uninterested in activities they used to love?
  4. Does your son or daughter seem more depressed, stressed, or anxious?
  5. Is your son or daughter more withdrawn than usual?
  6. Does your son or daughter hide away in their room often?

These things in and of themselves don’t necessarily mean that your child has a pornography problem, but when coupled together, they could indicate a pornography habit or addiction.

There is Hope

If your child has a pornography habit or addiction, there is still hope! Don’t ever give up on your kids. They are never past the point of no return. They can overcome this and they need your help. The first stage of pornography addiction is early exposure (McConnell & Campbell, 1996). It usually starts at a young age and that’s where you come in.

Here are 5 things you can do to help your child with early exposure to pornography:

  1. Be Calm and Don’t Overreact

You may feel hurt or betrayed. You may feel like you don’t even know who your child is, but don’t express this to them! You may have these feelings inside, but it doesn’t benefit anyone to let them all out. It will only hurt your child. Think of how they are feeling and respond with love and compassion (Hawks, 2017).   

  1. Don’t Use Shame

Your child already feels shame as a result of what they’ve done. Making them feel more shame won’t create open communication and won’t help with their problem. It will only make them feel worse. Let them know you appreciate their openness and their trust in you (Hawks, 2017).

  1. Be Someone They Can Come To

Let your child know that they can come to do when they slip up. Having someone to report to and to share this information with can help in the process of overcoming it. If they are held responsible by sharing it, it can help them to be more determined and will also help them know they have your support and love.

  1. Discover the Underlying Issue

Those who have a pornography problem usually have something in their life that drives them to view it. It could be depression, stress, anxiety, or other problems in their life. Sit down and talk to your child to determine what that is and how you can help them solve that problem. Overcoming the underlying issue will help with overcoming pornography.

  1. Come Up With a Plan:

Children need to have a plan after they are exposed to pornography. If they make a plan, it will be easier to discuss information with you (Hawks, 2017). Our book, How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography, discusses ways to help your kids with their pornography struggle.

Some of the ways discussed in the book include:

  • Building a foundation of trust
  • Creating a home of openness
  • Creating a plan to R-U-N Plan if exposed to porn
  • Exploring treatment options if it’s become an addiction
  • Exploring alternate, healthy behaviors
  • Creating a positive reinforcement system

If you are ready to tackle this tough topic, check out  How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography, available here.

Pornography addiction is a very difficult addiction to overcome, but it is possible. Unlike those struggling with alcohol or drug addiction, those addicted to porn can’t avoid all situations where there pornography will be present–because it is everywhere. It’s all over the internet, on advertisements, and on television. If your daughter or son if struggling, you must be loving, supportive, and use whatever resources you can to help them overcome this. For more information on how you can help your kids overcome addiction, look at this article called How Parents Can Help Children Overcome Porn Addiction.

Educate and Empower Kids has TONS of great resources to help you with this tough topic:

 

Find all of our books here.

 

Courtney Cagle is a senior at Brigham Young University-Idaho graduating in Marriage and Family Studies. She loves kids and wants to help create a safe environment for all children to learn and grow.

 

There are affiliate links in the blog post. When you use them to make purchases, we thank you for supporting Educate and Empower Kids!

 

Citations:

Alexander, D., & Mehrdad, J. (2016). How to talk to your kids about pornography. United States: Educate & Empower Kids.

(2011, January 22). Difference Between Habit and Addiction|Habit vs Addiction. Retrieved May 16, 2018, from https://www.differencebetween.com/difference-between-habit-and-addiction/

Habit vs. Addiction: 4 Questions To Determine The Difference. (2017, June 14). Retrieved May 16, 2018, from https://journeypureriver.com/habit-vs-addiction-4-questions-determine-difference/

Hawks, H. (2017, October 26). My Daughter, the Porn Addict: Four Tips to Help Your Child Through A Porn Addiction. Retrieved May 16, 2018, from https://educateempowerkids.org/daughter-porn-addict-four-tips-help-child-porn-addiction

How Porn Affects The Brain Like A Drug. (2017, August 23). Retrieved May 16, 2018, from https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-affects-the-brain-like-a-drug/

McConnell, G., & Campbell, K. (1996). The Stages of Pornography Addiction. Retrieved May 16, 2018, from https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/pornography-and-virtual-infidelity/stages-of-porn-addiction

Pornography Addiction and Treatment. (2018). Retrieved May 16, 2018, from https://www.recoveryconnection.com/addiction-resources/other-addictions/pornography/

8 peligros del sexting y lo que los padres pueden hacer

8 peligros del sexting y lo que los padres pueden hacer

 

Por Kyle Roberts, MA

Traducido por luis antonio mayen castellanos

Echa un vistazo a nuestro primer artículo 6 razones por las cuales los niños Sextean.

Nota del autor: A los efectos de estos artículos, definiremos el sexting como el envío y la recepción de mensajes sexualmente explícitos, texto o imágenes. A menudo pensamos que el sexting ocurre principalmente a través de mensajes de texto en un teléfono celular. Sin embargo, ahora estos mensajes pueden enviarse y recibirse a través de aplicaciones, redes sociales o cualquier medio que tenga una opción de mensajería.

En nuestro primer artículo, discutimos algunas de las razones por las cuales los niños pueden enviar mensajes sexualmente explícitos; ahora hablemos de lo peligrosa que puede ser la práctica.

1. Ilegal para cualquier persona menor de edad.
En algunos estados, enviar y recibir mensajes de texto de cualquier persona menor de 18 años constituye posesión y distribución de pornografía infantil y puede dar lugar a cargos penales. Dado que la pornografía infantil es un delito sexual, los perpetradores llevan la etiqueta de un delincuente sexual (Gloria Allred: “Peligros de sexting adolescente”).

2. Reemplaza la comunicación, minimiza las señales sociales.
Todos podemos estar de acuerdo en que enviar mensajes de texto es mucho más fácil que llamar a alguien por teléfono. Especialmente si solo tienes una pregunta rápida, no conoces bien a la persona o no tienes tiempo para involucrarte en una larga conversación. Ni siquiera sé si los niños de hoy saben cómo hacer una llamada telefónica. El sexting lleva eso al siguiente nivel. Para algunos da mucha recompensa con poco riesgo o inversión. Toma todas las formas en que los mensajes de texto han afectado la comunicación y agregan un componente sexual. Para nombrar unos pocos:
Minimiza la interacción persona a persona, disminuyendo la intimidad y aumentando la objetivación.
Explota a través de reglas sociales, lo que resulta en una disminución de la privacidad y los límites personales.
Perpetúa la gratificación instantánea y el derecho al cuerpo de otra persona (Villines, 2012).

3. Una vez que está ahí afuera, está ahí afuera.
Todos hemos oído hablar de nuestra huella digital, que es básicamente la información, las imágenes y en realidad todo lo que se pone en la World Wide Web. ¿Qué pasa con la información o las imágenes que no son necesarias que publiques? ¿Qué pasaría si esa imagen o sexteo fuera solo para un par de ojos? En el momento en que presionas enviar, estás liberando tu propiedad de esa imagen. Quienquiera que obtenga esa imagen puede hacer lo que quiera con ella, independientemente de las promesas que hayan hecho de que no la compartirían con nadie. AKA venganza porno (Revenge Porn: The Facts). ¡¡Ni siquiera nos pongas en Snapchat!!

4. Cuota emocional
La sexualidad individual y la expresión sexual es algo muy vulnerable e íntimo. Compartir esas partes de nosotros mismos con otros en cualquier forma tiene un impacto emocional. Cuando una persona joven sextea, pone esa imagen en manos de otra persona. ¿Quién puede decir que no se peleará con esa persona o qué sucede si alguien más se pone en contacto con su dispositivo? Es un mundo aterrador a través del cual nuestros niños navegan. Todos hemos escuchado las historias. Un sexteo puede prepararlo para la intimidación (dentro y fuera de Internet) y puede arruinar su reputación (Inbar, 2009 y Cyberbullying y Sexting en las redes sociales).

5. Táctica de aseo
iLos mensajes sexualmente explícitos pueden y han sido utilizados como un dispositivo de aseo de los depredadores sexuales. Lo hacen de la manera habitual, ofreciendo regalos y ganándose la confianza del niño, lo que finalmente los lleva a pedir una imagen inocente de apariencia normal; entonces las solicitudes se vuelven más y más sexualmente sugestivas. Pronto, el depredador tiene una imagen o varias del niño que se puede usar como una especie de chantaje para que el niño envíe más fotos o participe en actos sexuales o sus fotos serán expuestas al mundialmenteo (Rakosnik).

6. Objetificación
El sexting es el acto de auto objetivación. Ya no somos vistos como un cuerpo humano con un toque cálido; a menudo nos reducimos al mínimo a una imagen desnuda, sin sugerencia sexual o sin cabeza. Cuando nos involucramos en sexting, nos convertimos en una cosa que se utiliza para la gratificación sexual de otro. No hay toma y daca, comunicación, intimidad o valor (McKay, 2013). Esto nos lleva a la cuestión más amplia de que “[w] presagio [y hombres] que viven en una cultura en la que son objetivados por otros pueden a su vez comenzar a objetivarse a sí mismos” (la autoobjetificación puede inhibir el activismo social de las mujeres). Cuando vemos a los demás como objetos, empezamos a vernos a nosotros mismos como objetos, solo de valor cuando los usamos otros. ¿Es esto lo que esperamos de nuestras hijas e hijos?

7. Impone expectativas / presiones sobre las personas para que hagan cosas para las que no están preparadas, cómodas o que no quieren hacer.
Coacción sexting. Es cuando alguien te presiona para que sextees y no quieres (La presión para que envíes mensajes de contenido sexual: Lo que necesitas saber sobre la coacción sexting). Al igual que las tácticas de preparación de los depredadores sexuales mencionados anteriormente, comienza con una persona que solo pide un selfie, y luego lleva a mucho más. Con niños de tan solo nueve años que tienen acceso a dispositivos habilitados para enviar mensajes de texto, debemos prepararlos para lo que puedan encontrar.

8. Sexting en relación a la pornografía.
Con la omnipresencia y el fácil acceso a la pornografía, estamos viendo más y más comportamientos sexuales de niños en edades más jóvenes (Bingham, 2014). Cuando crecen con los medios de comunicación, especialmente la pornografía, como maestros de educación sexual, los niños comienzan a imitar o esperar esas conductas sexuales de sus compañeros a medida que avanzan por el camino de la objetivación sexual. El sexting como un comportamiento adolescente “normal” o “esperado”, como proliferó en la televisión, el cine y la música, es una idea que debe rechazarse.. (Hoder, 2104).

¿Qué puedes hacer?
¡Comunícate, comunícate, comunícate! En sus conversaciones con sus hijos, mencione el sexting; Pregúnteles qué piensan al respecto, si lo han hecho, si se sienten presionados a hacerlo.

Dígales cuáles son las expectativas en su familia y enséñeles la moral que espera que planeen mantener con respecto al envío de mensajes sexualmente explícitos.

Cree un plan: ayude a sus hijos a saber qué pueden y deben hacer si se les pide o reciben un mensaje sexualmente explícito de ALGUIEN. El juego de roles es muy beneficioso aquí. Deles las palabras que necesitan para rechazar una solicitud de sexting y pídales que practiquen el uso de esas palabras.


Ayude a su hijo a construir su autoestima. Saber que tienen valor y que son más que un simple objeto, ayuda a los niños a rechazar la idea de que para ser valiosos para los demás, tienen que participar en algo con lo que no se sienten cómodos. Este sentido del yo puede ayudar a un niño a hablar cuando algo no está bien.


Como padre, pregúntese cómo se maneja la etiqueta del teléfono celular en su hogar. ¿Cuándo se les permite a los miembros de la familia usar teléfonos? ¿Qué horarios y lugares están fuera de los límites? Por ejemplo, ¿no hay mensajes de texto después de las 9 pm o no hay teléfonos en la mesa?


Sé consciente de a quién están enviando mensajes de texto, con qué frecuencia y en qué momentos. ¿Cuáles son las reglas familiares para enviar mensajes de texto? Por ejemplo, nunca envíe un mensaje de texto a alguien que no conozca, tiene 20 minutos para responderle el mensaje a mamá o papá, y así sucesivamente.
Revisa sus teléfonos. Esto puede variar de familia a familia o de niño a niño, pero es importante tener responsabilidad. Simplemente puede hacerles saber que realizará comprobaciones periódicas o aleatorias o puede obtener un software o una aplicación que le proporcione esta información. Aquí hay un ejemplo.


Si nota algún cambio repentino o drástico en el comportamiento de su hijo, las probabilidades aumentan. Podrían estar experimentando acoso escolar, participar en actividades dañinas como sexting, uso de drogas o alcohol, o quién sabe qué más. Es casi como si nuestros hijos pudieran construir una cerca alrededor de sí mismos para mantenernos fuera. No tengas miedo de subir esas cercas !!
Nuestros niños están navegando a través de algunas aguas difíciles por ahí. A veces, sabemos que puede parecer imposible protegerlos de todo lo que tiene el potencial de lastimarlos. Siempre hay esperanza cuando tienes un padre que se toma el tiempo no solo para aprender más sobre lo que está pasando, sino también para guiarlos en su camino. Así que sigan con el buen trabajo.

Comparte este artículo con tus amigos en Facebook y Twitter.

¿Necesitas más ayuda o ideas? Obtenga una copia de Cómo hablar con sus hijos sobre la pornografía (disponible en inglés y español) en Amazon.

Kyle Roberts tiene más de 10 años de experiencia trabajando con organizaciones sin fines de lucro. Recibió su maestría en asesoramiento comunitario de la Universidad de Texas en San Antonio con énfasis en la recuperación de la adicción. Cuando no está luchando con su hijo pequeño, se la puede encontrar enseñando psicología del desarrollo en BYU-Idaho o trabajando en proyectos de bricolaje.

Recursos:

Gloria Allred: “Peligros de sexting adolescente” (n.d.). Consultado el 10 de mayo de 2016, de http://criminal.lawyers.com/juvenile-law/gloria-allred-dangers-of-teen-sexting.html

Villines, Z. (2012, 26 de julio). Cómo los mensajes de texto cambian la comunicación. Consultado el 10 de mayo de 2016, de http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/texting-teens-adults-communication-0726126

La venganza del porno: los hechos. (Dakota del Norte.). Consultado el 10 de mayo de 2016, de https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/405286/revenge-porn-factsheet.pdf

Inbar, M. (2009, 02 de diciembre). El acoso sexual se menciona en el suicidio de un adolescente. Consultado el 10 de mayo de 2016, de http://www.today.com/id/34236377/ns/today-today_news/t/sexting-bullying-cited-teens-suicide/#.VxBW5GPnvR0

Ciberacoso y sexting en las redes sociales. (Dakota del Norte.). Consultado el 10 de mayo de 2016, de http://www.ncpc.org/programs/living-safer-being-smarter/surfing-safer/cyberbullying-and-sexting-on-social-media

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