Yesterday the Washington Post reported that “Sorority sisters at the University of Virginia [are being] ordered by their national chapters to avoid fraternity events this weekend” (Svrluga, 2015) as a result of the risk of sexual assault. I found this insulting on so many levels, as a father of both a son and a daughter. First, that women’s freedoms were somehow curtailed at the potential of a drunken sexual assault at the hands of some fraternity member. Second, that these same young men were thought so little of that they were all labelled as predators incapable of respect of women.
I continue to struggle with this issue every day. I cannot wrap my mind around how hard it is for men to realize they have to respect women and they are not just objects for their sexual gratification. No, it is not okay to drug a woman (and yes, that includes copious amount of alcohol) and yes, affirmative consent is something you should make sure you receive. A lack of a no does not always constitute an agreement to engage in sexual activity.
The threat of sexual assault is no different than terrorism. While the great majority of the population is not infected with this dangerous ideology, that is, the propensity for committing sexual assault, that same majority fears for the likelihood that they or someone they know could at some point become a victim of it. To suggest the way to deal with the problem is to simply stop associating in places that assaults may occur does not address the underlying cause. Like any other issue, offenders will find other places to exhibit their illicit behavior. And, like terrorism, we cannot ignore it or quarantine the behavior. Rather, we need to focus on the eradication of the behavior in the first place.
The days of blaming victims or potential victims must come to an end. We must take a stand to hold offenders accountable for their actions. Instead of locking a sorority full of princesses up in some mythical anti-sexual-assault tower, why not suggest to young men that they should act more like Prince Charming and less like a bunch of roofie-breathing dragons?
Perhaps, as part of the application process to schools or as part of joining fraternities, members should be required to do the following:
- Attend classes on sexual assault prevention, much like new hires have to attend for sexual harassment prevention. Once you have attended this training, you will be held to a standard higher than non-student residents. If you are found to have committed a crime of sexual assault, you will face penalties triple that of those who have not attended the same training.
- As part of attending the above training, young men and women will be required to sign behavioral contracts pledging to uphold standards of respect of those around you. If you are found to have violated this agreement, you should immediately face expulsion from the institution.
- If your organization (fraternity or sorority) wishes to hold a party or other activity that is not school related, those organizations should be required to provide private security to patrol the parties to prevent sexual assaults and under-age drinking.
These are some examples of real and sensible reforms that groups seeking the real end to sexual violence should embrace. Protections based upon the restrictions of choice and freedoms do not communicate to young men and women the necessity to eliminate this behavior completely. If we want to end sexual violence we must address the causes of sexual violence including attitudes toward women an victim blaming. We can do more, we must do more, for the sake of future generations.
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Svrluga, S. (2015, January 27). U-Va. sorority sisters ordered to stay home Saturday night for their own safety – while fraternity brothers party. Retrieved January 29, 2015, from http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2015/01/27/u-va-sorority-sisters-ordered-to-stay-home-saturday-night-for-their-own-safety-while-fraternity-brothers-party/?tid=sm_fb
