By Leah Candland
Last week I was driving down the freeway when I noticed a large billboard. It had a woman in an extremely revealing outfit, posing seductively. Sadly, I’ve seen many ads like this and I’m sure you have to. Whether it’s for clothing, perfume, or even food, many marketing strategies are increasingly sexual.
Our children are taking in every advertisement and media message they see–not just on billboards, but in commercials, on the internet, and so on. The porn industry is targeting our kids through various outlets, including through gaming sites, social media, and even innocent Google searches, making it easier than ever for our kids to be exposed to porn (Alexander, et. al 2016) (For more, check out our article
The age children are exposed to pornography is dropping lower and lower. Research is finding the average age of exposure is 11 years old, with many consuming porn on a regular basis by the age of 18 (Weiss, 2015).
So, how does pornography affect the mind?
Research conducted by The American College of Pediatricians (2016) found many negative outcomes. Here are just a few of the many outcomes that may result from pornography exposure:
- Rape is considered a less serious crime
- Sexual infidelity in a relationship is considered more acceptable
- Decreased satisfaction in sexual relationships
- Greater acceptance of promiscuity
- Increase in violent and sexually aggressive attitudes
Our children may also experience other negative outcomes such as a decreased sense of self-control, an increase in sexual dysfunction, and depression (Etelson,n.d.). Our children are no exception to the harmful effects of pornography. Porn is getting more violent, aggressive as it portrays unhealthy ideas about sex (Fight the New Drug, 2017). Whether kids seek it out intentionally or unintentionally, exposure is bound to happen.
Pornography use is often treated in a casual manner or as the punchline of a joke, but it shouldn’t be! It’s an epidemic, and no matter how hard we may try to protect our children, it seems inevitable that they will be exposed to porn in some way. So, what can you do?
If your child has been exposed to pornography, there are ways to help you determine whether or not your child has experienced a one-time exposure, or has developed an addiction. The following questions from How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography can be helpful:
- Where did you first see pornography? Asking where your child first saw porn helps to pinpoint where their exposure or habit first formed.
- How did it make you feel? Understanding how it made them feel can help you further understand your child’s feelings and needs and help them make sense of their feelings.
- Have you felt the urge to seek it out again? Knowing whether or not your child has had the urge to seek out porn again can better help you assess whether the experience was a one-time exposure, or if they have developed a habit of viewing porn.
- What questions do you have about what you saw? Open communication about sex and intimacy is important. Our kids need to feel comfortable asking questions.
Once you know what their level of exposure has been and how they feel about it, the following can help lead to further discussion:
- Stay calm. It’s important to keep your cool so that your child feels more comfortable to share things with you and is also more willing to listen. More suggestions on how to talk to your kids and stay calm can be found in this short video What Topics Should You Cover with Preteens?
- Ask your child what they’ve seen. By knowing what your child has seen, you can help them understand how unrealistic porn really is, and the dangerous influence it can have on concepts of love and intimacy. Being able to ask your child questions is important to creating healthy communication. For more steps to strengthen your communication with your children, check out .
- Reassure them that curiosity is normal, but porn doesn’t portray sex and love accurately. Although porn involves sex, it’s not what intimacy is really about. True, healthy intimacy should involve qualities of love, healthy relationships, or positive emotions. If you’re unsure of how to talk with your child about sex and intimacy, another great article to check out is .
- Remember not to use shame. Feelings of guilt and shame may feed the secretive nature of porn. Being harsh and utilizing shame are common mistakes parents can make. For more on common mistakes parents make, read the article .
- Follow-up frequently. It is important to leave the lines of communication open with your child. As your child gets older, he or she won’t be under your direct supervision quite as much. Remind your child you haven’t forgotten the discussion you’ve had, and that you are there for them to talk or if they have more questions. is a great article filled with suggestions on how to keep the conversation going!
Being a parent isn’t easy, and talking to your child about porn may seem difficult or overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be! The suggestions provided above are meant to help you. Remember to stay calm and know that you can do this!
For more great information and helpful conversation starters, check out How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography, which can also be purchased on Amazon.
Leah Candland is a wife, and a mother to a wonderful daughter. She has a Bachelors of Science in Marriage and Family Studies from Brigham Young University – Idaho. She loves spending time with her family, and has a strong desire to help parents in building strong, healthy relationships with one another and their children.
Citations:
Alexander, D., Mahrdad, J., & Scott, A. (2016). How to talk to your kids about pornography. United states: Educate & Empower Kids.
American College of Pediatricians (2016, June). The Impact of Pornography on Children. Retrieved January 23, 2019, from https://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/the-impact-of-pornography-on-children
Etelson, E. (n.d.) This Is Your Kid’s Brain on Porn. Retrieved January 23, 2019, from https://www.mother.ly/parenting/this-is-your-kids-brain-on-porn
Fight the New Drug. (2017, August 23). How Consuming Porn Can Lead To Violence. Retrieved January 24, 2019, from https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-consuming-porn-can-lead-to-violence/
Weiss, R. (2015, June 9). The Prevalence of Porn. Retrieved January 23, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2013/05/the-prevalence-of-porn/
