By: Courtney Cagle
I remember struggling with my body image in high school and college. I wanted to attain the perfect body, and I often felt my worth was based on what my body looked like. I wasn’t looking within to find happiness; I was searching for happiness from others and how they viewed my body. I still sometimes struggle with body image. I haven’t worked out in a while, and just the other day I looked at my body and thought, “Oh gosh, I need to get to the gym and fast.” I’ve always strived for a certain look, but it never made me happy. It’s important for girls to be happy regardless of what their body looks like. Body image is influenced by many factors including exposure to traditional media, peer pressure, puberty, family, and culture. This means there is something that you, as a mother, can do about it. What a relief!
It can be a huge challenge to help our daughters feel good about themselves when there is so much negativity in the world and negative influences teaching them they need to look a certain way to feel a certain way. The media, especially social media, has an incredible influence on girls and their body image. Whether it’s Snapchat or Instagram, girls are comparing themselves to the other girls they see and want to look just like them.
The media industry also has a vested interest in making sure our girls are dissatisfied with the way their body looks with the goal of making them feel they need to buy a certain product to look beautiful. Media plays a huge role in body image, but mothers also have a huge influence on how their daughters view their bodies!
Don’t forget, daughters pick up on the subtle and not-so-subtle things mothers say about their bodies. They also notice how their moms take care of their bodies. If you are saying negative things about your body or diet obsessively, the chances of your daughter doing the same thing increases (Langr, 2018). It’s great to be healthy, but you have to be focusing on the right thing. So what can we do?
Here are 6 critical skills to help your daughter have a positive body image:
- Be kind to others and don’t make it a competition. Being kind to others and exercising compassion toward everyone can show your daughter she should focus less on competition. This can also help both of you to have a more positive body image. Being kind to others in person and online can help your daughter become more satisfied with how she looks and happier with herself overall. To find more information about teaching kindness and how your daughters can use technology for good, check out this Here are some great questions you can ask to discuss this topic with your daughter:
- Do you notice yourself competing with other girls and comparing yourself to the way others look?
- Do you feel competing with others makes you happier, or does being kind to others make you happier?
- Focus on the functional aspects of your body and your daughter’s body. If we don’t focus on the way our bodies look and instead focus on all they can do, it will lead us to respect and n DO. All bodies are beautiful and amazing. Remind your daughter that her body is a gift, and it is a tool. We should take care of our bodies because we are grateful for them. The way she looks isn’t what makes her beautiful (Laudner, 2018). Here are some great questions you can ask to discuss this topic with your daughter:
- What are some things your body can do?
- What is your favorite thing your body can do?
- Search for and view media with your daughter that helps promote positive body image, and discuss the media that doesn’t. Try to find television shows and movies that don’t promote stereotypes. Help your daughter understand she can be whatever kind of woman she wants to be and that her body shape doesn’t matter. When you come across media that shows beautiful, unrealistic women, talk to your daughter about attributes these women have that aside from their physical looks. If you and your daughter are focusing on other aspects of people that are beautiful besides their bodies, it will result in your daughter focusing less on her physical appearance (Knorr, 2015). Here are some great questions you can ask to discuss this topic with your daughter:
- What television shows or movies make you feel good about yourself?
- Who’s your favorite actress and why? (Focus on attributes that aren’t related to her looks.)
- If women diet, their daughters are more likely to start dieting earlier themselves. And this can make it more likely they will have a negative body image. It’s important to take care of yourself and be healthy. However, it’s better to focus on healthy eating all of the time and not just sporadically dieting.
- If you have a healthy relationship with food, your daughter is more likely to also develop a healthy relationship with food… Working out is an excellent way to stay healthy, both physically and mentally., If you work out just to look a certain way, your daughter will believe she needs to do the same. Work out to stay healthy and encourage your daughter to be active because it’s healthy and fun (Langr, 2018).
- Be the kind of woman you want your daughter to become. Daughters see the way their moms criticize their bodies and themselves. They pick up on this and might start doing the same thing to themselves. If you want your daughter to treat herself better, treat yourself better. She is only going to do what she sees. Loving your body will do more for your daughter than telling her she’s beautiful ever will (Langr, 2018).
- Keep negative thoughts about your body to yourself, and voice your appreciation for your body. Voicing your dissatisfaction with your body is something your daughter will start to imitate. It will start with imitation and then turn into a real dissatisfaction with her own body. The last thing you want to do is contribute to your daughter’s negative body image because you dislike yours. . Instead, talk about how grateful you are for your body and for all that it does for you. Appreciate your body, and you will teach your daughter to appreciate her body too (Langr, 2018).
There are many influences in the world that can shape how your daughter views her body; make sure you are a positive one. You can help her grow tremendously and learn how to be resilient.
To teach your daughter about body image, check out our book called Messages About Me: Sydney’s Story, A Girl’s Journey to Healthy Body Image. This is a great resource to use if you want to discuss body image with your daughter. For your sons, we have created Messages About Me: Wade’s Story, A Boy’s Quest for Healthy Body Image.
Courtney is a senior at Brigham Young University-Idaho graduating in Marriage and Family Studies. She loves kids and wants to help create a safe environment for all children to learn and grow.
Citations:
Knorr, C. (2015, January 01). Girls and Body Image. Retrieved May 3, 2018, from https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/girls-and-body-image
Langr, C. (2018, May 01). The number one thing moms can do to help their daughters develop a healthy body image. Retrieved May 3, 2018, from https://aleteia.org/2018/05/01/the-number-one-thing-moms-can-do-to-help-their-daughters-develop-a-healthy-body-image/
Laudner, M. (2018, April 28). This is why low body confidence in kids is now more normal than not. Retrieved May 3, 2018, from https://indy100.com/article/body-image-children-confidence-self-esteem-dove-cartoon-network-steven-universedr-phillippa-8324271
Mayo Clinical Staff. (2015, August 11). Healthy body image: Tips for guiding girls. Retrieved May 3, 2018, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/healthy-body-image/art-20044668
