By Yesenia Serrano
I confess that I have made the terrible mistake of criticizing myself and the way I look in the mirror. Without wanting to, and without even realizing it, I have made negative comments about my weight and other parts of my body with my daughter listening.
By making those comments in front of my daughter, I have taught her to pick her physical appearance apart. She is now 22 years old and has expressed dissatisfaction with her appearance and has said that she would like her hair to be straightened. My shock at hearing her say this made me realize the terrible influence I have had on my daughter. Her discontent regarding her physical appearance is a direct result of my displeasure with my own physical appearance.
There is an old saying that comes to mind: “We teach more by example than by word.” Indeed, as mothers, we have a tremendous impact on our daughters’ lives and how they learn to love their bodies. This impact includes how they do, or do not, accept their imperfections.
We live in an era where our children are constantly attacked by society’s expectations. What society considers beautiful or perfect is pushed onto our children every hour, every second. Just turn on the TV and watch the propagandistic commercials and shows. Every day, we open social media and scroll through images of women or young people showing off their bodies. There are even young girls arranged as if they were teenagers. Our kids want to look like other people, not like themselves. And most images on the internet, in magazines, and on television are modified to make everything and everyone look perfect, when in fact almost nothing shown is real or natural.
We must teach our daughters that these messages are unhealthy and incorrect, and help them know they are perfect the way they are. Juliann Garey talks about this in her article “13 Ways to Improve Your Daughter’s Self-esteem.” Together with clinical psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair and Anea Bogue, M.A., she discusses the importance of empowering our daughters with strong character and the ability to recognize the value of their individuality. It is our job as mothers to teach them to learn how to love who they are and learn how to love their body and personality.
The following are some specific recommendations they give on how we can help to empower our daughters:
- “Setting an example by accepting your own body.” As a mother, I should resist making negative comments about my curly hair in front of my daughter. I could even ask my daughter for help in finding new hairstyles, and show off my natural curls.
- “Educating our daughters about the media.” Mentioning to my daughter that most of the bodies shown on social media are edited and airbrushed to look “perfect” would go a long way. She would start to see tell-tale signs of that airbrushed “perfection,” and realize that society is taking value away from the natural beauty of women.
- “Moms, don’t borrow your daughters’ clothes.” As mothers, we have a tendency to encourage our daughters to dress how we would. We need to remember they are their own person, and they have their own likes and dislikes in the way they dress. We can make suggestions, but should never force them to dress the way we like. This is a way to show respect to them, for who they are, and allow them the freedom they need to be unique.
- “Direct praise away from appearances.” My daughter is very skilled artistically. When I hear her singing, I tell her she has a beautiful voice. When she shows me an art piece she’s drawn, I sincerely tell her how talented she is. In complimenting her talents and abilities, she will better understand that her value in life is more than just her physical appearance.
- “Beware of the magazines and other media we take home.” Some magazines are useless and aren’t even worth the money used to buy them. As a mother, I always tried to have magazines that teach about nutrition, share recipes, and talk about travel or music. National Geographic is also an excellent magazine to flip through. But magazines about fashion generally aren’t that positive for my daughter; she mentioned that they make her feel uncomfortable in her own appearance. I want to make sure my home is a welcoming and safe place for my children, and the magazines I have laying around influence that.
- “Don’t speak badly of other women.” We as women should not talk badly about other women. It has the same effect on our daughters as when we talk badly about ourselves, in that it encourages them to look for flaws and pick people apart. We should not criticize or judge other women in front of anyone. I choose to stick up for other women and protect their value and integrity. All women are attacked by the expectations on social media, and we need to protect each other. As I do this, I will show my daughter the importance of protecting other women, and how women should help each other more often.
- “Make sure your daughter knows you love her, no matter what.” It is important that as mothers, we teach our daughters to have self-love and to value themselves for who they are. Positive messages about love and self-worth should be created at home, and come from us as mothers.
The culture we live in encourages toxic behaviors like the ones discussed above, and we may not even realize how our actions may include those toxic ideologies. As we each look at how we view ourselves and other women, we will see how our actions impact our daughters and the future generations. It is up to each of us to do our part to create a better future.
For more help in having great discussions about healthy body image, check out A Lesson on Healthy Body Image and our books Messages About Me: Sydney’s Story and Messages About Me: Wade’s Story.
Yesenia Serrano is passionate about learning and helping the Latino community. She enjoys doing voluntary service by translating for those parents who don’t know the English language and helping parents communicate with Doctors and nurses about the medical needs of their children. She loves music and learning about other cultures. She will receive a BS in Marriage and Family Studies from Brigham Young University Idaho in July 2023. She enjoys spending time with her daughter Itzel and their dogs Lady and Chiquilin.
Citations:
Garey, J., Rooney, M., & Steiner-Adair, C. (2023, February 4). 13 ways to boost your daughter’s self-esteem. Child Mind Institute. Retrieved April 16, 2023, from https://childmind.org/article/13-ways-to-boost-your-daughters-self-esteem/
Orden, T. V. (2021, July 24). Simple and effective ways to help your teen have a healthy body image. Educate Empower Kids. Retrieved April 17, 2023, from https://educateempowerkids.org/simple-and-effective-ways-to-help-your-teen-have-a-healthy-body-image
