By Dina Alexander, MS
Each year as we approach back to school time, I start to get nervous for my kids. I can clearly remember the knot in the pit of my stomach I experienced each year on that first day— even in college and grad school! All the things I worried about then now seem trivial compared to some of the challenges my kids are facing today. With a child in high school, one in middle school and one in elementary school they are being hit from all sides.
This year I decided to really examine what got me so worked up about going back to school when I was a kid and address these concerns with my own kids head on. I determined the major areas of concern to cover with my kids were: Bullying, Friendships, Phone use, and Interpersonal Connection. These four discussions empowered my kids and calmed my fears for them by knowing that they had a better understanding of the world around them and better tools for dealing with various situations.
The following conversations are by no means “complete,” but are meant to aid you in starting and deepening the dialogue between you and your child. By directing these family pow-wows, your family members will come to understand each other better, recognize upcoming stressors and create helpful plans for future predicaments.
Concern: Bullying
Although it’s sometimes an overused word to define dealing with mean people (as all of us will have to do throughout our lives), bullying can be a very real danger to a child’s physical and emotional health. It’s important for your child to understand what bullying really is, how to deal with a bully, who they can get help from, and how they can stand up for others.
Conversation Starters:
What is bullying?
What are some ways kids bully others online, through social media or texting?
What is the difference between bullying and someone just being “mean”?
How do you want to deal with a bully? What if the bully is a “friend”?
What should you do to make sure you are not being a bully?
What can you do if a friend is being bullied? What if a kid you barely know is being bullied?
Many anonymous apps and social media outlets are used for bullying, what apps and social media are popular at your school?
Concern: Friendships
Good friends can be the highlight of a child or teen’s school day. But does your child know how to choose good friends? Does she know how to maintain healthy boundaries, how to build a strong friendship, and how to deal with hurt feelings or jealousy?
Conversation Starters:
What makes someone a good friend?
What can you do if a friend tries to pressure you to do something you are not comfortable doing?
Can you have a strong friendship if most of your communication is done through texting or social media?
How do you know it’s time to end a friendship?
How can you end a friendship with a minimal amount of drama?
Concern: Phone (Over)Use
Phones can be so helpful in acquiring news, making a quick call, or communicating with our kids during the school day, but they are also FULL of dangers. With obsessive texting, sexting, anonymous apps and social media used for bullying, pornography, online predators, internet addictions and the disconnect increasing between family members and communities, we have a lot to talk about with our kids when it comes to phones.
Conversation Starters:
How much time are we spending on our phones and other internet-enabled devices?
How much time is too much time to be on our phones?
How much texting is “enough” each day?
What is sexting and its consequences?
What should you do if porn pops up on your phone or if a friend shows it to you?
Where do online predators typically find kids?
How do I know if I am spending too much time online or if I have an internet addiction?
Concern: Staying Connected
As the school year starts, so does the build up of extracurricular activities, academic demands, and social responsibilities. How can we keep focus, help our kids remember what is truly important, and keep our families first in our priorities as we head back to school?
Conversation Starters:
How much time are we spending together, face to face without screens?
Are there times when I (Mom/Dad) am spending too much time on screens?
What are some fun things we can do together?
How can we make the most of our evenings and weekends together?
What can I do as your parent to help you know that I am here for you?
Remind your child that they are your first priority and that you love them. Take the time to find out what other concerns your child has for the upcoming school year. Is she worried about grades, fitting in, having that teacher, or meeting your expectations? School, friends and social stress can take a toll on our kids, so don’t just tell your child you care about them, show them every day.
For more discussions and activities for addressing these concerns and ideas on how to connect more deeply with your kids, check out
For other helpful discussions about ,or how to help our kids avoid pornography and what do if they are exposed or have an addiction, please check out our .
Available in Kindle or Paperback.Dina Alexander is the founder and president of Educate and Empower Kids (educateempowerkids.org), an organization determined to strengthen families by forging powerful connection. She is the creator of How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography and the 30 Days of Sex Talks and 30 Days to a Stronger Child programs. She received her master’s degree in recreation therapy from the University of Utah and her bachelors from Brigham Young University. She is an amazing mom and loves spending time with her husband and three kids.
