By Megan Steyskal-Rondeau
We can all remember some of the things we wondered about as teenagers: How do I know if I’m ready for sex? Is there a God? What’s up with morning wood? These are the fun and influential conversations we should be having with our teenager and the questions that will help you understand where your child is coming from. The awesome discussions that help us get to know them and get our teenagers to think and speak more from their point of view.
Have you ever wondered how your teenager sees the world or have you been too busy preparing them for the future instead of asking them about their now?
Let’s start asking the deeper questions: how they feel, how they perceive and how they can grow so that we as parents can have a better insight into their world and how amazing and frustrating and exhilarating it can be for them.
- Other sources: Besides your parents and school: where else have you learned about sex from? Was this source easier to go to? Were your questions answered correctly? Would you go to this source again?
- Sex in the media: How do you feel about how sex is portrayed in television and movies? Have you ever seen something you felt uncomfortable watching? Have you ever been in a situation with your peers when you were watching something that made you feel awkward? What did you do? What would you do when this happens again?
- Dress to impress: Does the way you dress best represent you? Clothing, hair and makeup styles are important to make you feel as an individual however there are several styles that can promote unwanted attention and/or wrong assumptions. What kind of examples of style and dress can bring about negative attention? Do body piercings and extreme hair color accurately portray the person behind it? When a girl dresses shows a little more skin does that mean she wants sex? Is this a fair social judgment? Should people be respected or disrespected based on how they look and what they wear?
- The dating world: Is it better to have one or two steady relationships as a teenager or should you have more casual dates? What do you think about group dates? What are the pros and cons of each?
- Time management: teenage years are about interacting and socializing with your peers: it’s important to develop safe and trusting social interactions. But how can we as a parent and child spend quality one-on-one time with each other? What would you want to do? How often: once a week, once a month? Why do you think this would be important?
- Developing a circle of trust: Every teenager needs a group of adults they can go to for questions, problems and to feel safe: such as parents, uncles, aunts, pastors, teachers, friend’s parents. Do you have a circle of trust? Who do you think should be in that circle? Do you think peers should be in that circle? Why should you have this? (for example: if you can’t get a hold of a parent who else can you call? Are those numbers in your cell phone?) What does trust mean to you?
- Then and now: As the parent, share some of your teenage experiences (funny anecdotes at school, crazy things you did with friends, how you’ve been hurt, embarrassing moments). How was my teenage experience similar to yours? How is it different?
Through these exercises you and your teenager can learn more about each other: that even though we as parents lived in a time without social media, cell phones and the internet a lot of the core issues we faced are still prevalent today. One of the most valuable things you can give your teen is your time: time to share, to laugh and to learn from each other.
Our books have many great conversation starters, and they can help you improve communication between you and your children. Check them out! ; How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography, which is also available in ; and .
Need Help with Tough Topics? We got you covered!Megan is a thirty-something single mom who has worked in Pharmacy for the past 15 years. When in “time-out” (of her own accord) she reads and writes, then reads some more. You can find her blog at www.theaccidentallibrarian.com.
