By Amanda Grossman-Scott
When a 12 year old British boy’s parents found that he’d been watching pornography on his cell phone, they put a stop to it immediately. Although these parents knew enough to do the right thing in taking away the boy’s phone, what they didn’t know was that irreparable damage had already been done. Because this boy had also accessed hardcore porn on an Xbox and then decided to “try it out” with his 7 year old sister (BBC, 2014). Cases like these are becoming more common as children have unfettered and unrestricted access to web-enabled devices and consequently, pornography. As the judge in the now 13 year old boy’s case commented, “Adolescence can be a troubling time with confused feelings about sex and feelings of insecurity.” (BBC, 2014) The question is, what will you allow your child access to during the troubling adolescent and teenage years?
This year almost every child is wishing for some type of tech gift for Christmas. Most parents will probably grant these wishes. I won’t condone or condemn parents who buy these types of gifts, as I’ve done it in the past and will no doubt do it again, if not this Christmas then for another. But one thing that has changed -and should for all parents- is the way we shop for electronics meant for kids.
For instance, I’m more inclined to do a lot of research before purchasing any electronic device I intend to place in the hands of my child. I’m not talking about sale prices or reliability. The most important thing to me (and any responsible parent!) is the availability of content filters on the device, the ease of use of parental restrictions and the educational or communicative value of the tablet, phone or other device.
The startling thing is the number of parents who don’t consider the potential danger devices that connect to the internet can bring, what they can expose a child to or what kind of addiction it can create. This isn’t surprising considering most buying guides suggest parents consider age, responsibility and maturity level when it comes to purchasing a web-enabled device for a child but don’t even broach the topic of what a child will almost certainly be exposed to; online bullying, sexting, predators and the ever-present malevolence of internet pornography. If you’re willing to talk to your child about the amount of minutes, text messages or data usage he or she uses, shouldn’t a discussion about what they’re using those minutes, messages and data for naturally follow? If you’re willing to invest money in a device and in some cases a contract, don’t you want to protect your investment as well as your child?
Recent surveys have put the number of children age 8 to 12 who have a cell phone at 56%. (National Consumers League, n.d.). Here are some interesting statistics to consider before handing your child his or her own personal device:
- 19.9 percent of teenagers manipulated social media privacy settings to block their parents with only 8.1 percent of parents being aware of this. (Statista, 2012)
- Over ½ of kids 10-17 have posted risky comments or photos online (McAfee, 2013)
- 22 percent of young people admit to using a mobile device to hide their online behavior from their parents. (McAfee, 2013)
The necessity of parental controls, monitoring and filtering is unquestionable. It doesn’t have to be a difficult task. There are many ways for conscientious, responsible parents to safeguard their children.
- Research before you purchase. Find a device that will be easy to install parental controls on. Here is a link to a page that describes what the top wireless carriers provide.
- Discuss with your child the reasons you want to protect him or her online.
- Install internet filters and/or monitoring apps. Here is a link to some of the top parental control apps.
- Set limits on time spent online/gaming and discuss the content with your child. Here is a guide to help your family create a media standard.
- When rules are broken, follow through with appropriate consequences.
Net Nanny, My Mobile Watchdog, Mama Bear, Screen Time Parental Control, Canary and MM Guardian are a few apps for phones, tablets and computers. Some of these are free or charge a nominal one time or monthly fee. Many devices also have built-in parental controls but beware that determined tweens and teens have been to known to find ways around these. Your best bet is two-fold: setting restrictions and having frequent and open conversations about why those restrictions are necessary. Try to stay current on what apps your child is using, as some can be very risky for kids.
Recent surveys seem to imply that while kids are somewhat aware of the dangers that lurk online, those dangers will not stop them from spending time online. That’s why it’s so important to remember that monitoring and parental controls aren’t enough- that parents need to begin to have discussions with their children about WHY they need to be cautious online. Children should also be learning to monitor themselves.
“…parents must not be afraid to act as a guide for their child. In addition to monitoring and setting parental controls, parents must engage their child in dialogue about how to be safe online and what the implications and potential outcomes of unsafe online activity could be. Further, these conversations must happen early and often – first, in the tween years before they begin experimenting in deceptive and risky behavior, and repeatedly throughout their teen years, when they are most at risk.” (McAfee, 2013)
When parents have these types of conversations with children on a regular basis, it establishes parents as a reliable and trustworthy source to turn with questions and in trying times.
As you do your holiday shopping, carefully consider all the factors and what responsibility your child is ready for. But more important, know that your child’s new device equals new responsibility and monitoring for YOU as well as for your child.
Curious to learn more? Check out our books, ; How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography, which is also available in ; and .
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Need Help with Tough Topics? We got you covered!Citations:
Boy raped sister after watching porn. (2014, March 3). Retrieved November 18, 2014, from http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-lancashire-26418508
McAfee Digital Deception Study 2013: Exploring the Online Disconnect between Parents & Pre-teens, Teens and Young Adults. (2013, June 1). Retrieved November 15, 2014, from http://www.mcafee.com/us/resources/reports/rp-digital-deception-survey.pdf
Kids Wireless Use Facts. (n.d.). Retrieved November 15, 2014, from http://www.growingwireless.com/get-the-facts/quick-facts
Survey-Majority of Tweeners Now Have Cell Phones With Many Parents Concerned About Cost. (n.d.). Retrieved November 15, 2014, from http://www.nclnet.org/newsroom/press-releases/681-survey-majority-of-tweeners-now-have-cell-phones-with-many-parents-concerned-about-cost
Teens’ methods of hiding online activities from their parents | U.S. Survey. (2012, May 1). Retrieved November 18, 2014, from http://www.statista.com/statistics/234356/teens-methods-of-hiding-online-activities-from-their-parents/
Madden, M., Lenhart, A., Duggan, M., Cortesi, S., & Gasser, U. (2013, March 13). Teens and Technology 2013. Retrieved November 15, 2014, from http://www.pewinternet.org/2013/03/13/teens-and-technology-2013/
