By Caron C. Andrews
I first started really thinking about how to talk with my daughter about sex when she was eight years old. A friend had found that many experts agreed that the conversation needed to start by age eight (I’ve since learned that talking about sex should start as young as possible). I remember feeling startled that the recommended age was so young, and I felt unprepared. But I remembered the experience of one of my childhood friends. Her parents never told her anything about sex or puberty. When she had her first period, she was terrified and thought she was dying. I was outraged that her parents—especially her mother, as a woman—could let her go through that. I was determined that as uncomfortable as I was about it—and I was—I would not let my daughter have such an experience. I wanted her to feel positive about the why and how of the changes she would be going through. So that’s where I started.
- Our Bodies Are Amazing
Soon after, I began the conversation by telling my daughter how amazing and wonderful our bodies are that they’re able to do all they do, including making babies. I expressed that being able to grow a new life inside her body is an incredible gift to a woman.
- It’s Natural
I told my daughter in basic, age-appropriate language how the female reproductive system works—the egg being released, traveling through the fallopian tube, and either being fertilized and starting a pregnancy or shed, leading to a period. I emphasized that this is how our bodies were made to function; it’s completely natural.
- Hope For The Future
I explained that when she’s a grown woman, she will have lots of chances to have a baby because it’s typically a monthly cycle. I let her know that I think that’s wonderful because it gives all women who want babies a hope for it to happen.
I had a close, open relationship with my mother in many ways while I was growing up and I always wanted to have the same with my kids. I didn’t really think about how that openness would include talking about sex and healthy sexuality, though—it’s not something my mom and I discussed very much. I realized as I became a mother and discussed sex with my kids that talking about it is far more important than I realized to help our kids develop healthy emotions, sexuality, and self-confidence and worth.
It’s been several years since I had that first “sex talk” with my daughter, and we talk about all kinds of things—relationships, school, current events, why we have to go through painful times—and she feels comfortable coming to me with problems, questions, and issues. Although I wish I had talked to her at an earlier age about sex and creating her own, unique healthy sexuality, I realized it’s never to late to start and to add onto the ongoing dialogue. I had, however, already established an open, available communication style with her by then–discussions about sex has become a natural part of our conversations.
Our books have many great conversation starters, and they can help you improve communication between you and your children. Check them out! ; How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography, which is also available in ; and .
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