By Marina Spears
Let’s take a moment to stop and think about the following questions.
- Do you know with a high level of certainty with whom your child interacts with online?
- Would you know if your child was being cyberbullied or if they were the cyberbully?
- Do you know if your child has viewed online pornography?
All of us want to answer, “Yes, I absolutely know what my kids are doing online!” But the fact is research shows that parents don’t always know what their children are doing online. Consider the following findings from a study conducted by Cornell University (Byrne, Katz, Lee, Lintz & Mc IIarth, 2013):
- The majority of online interactions kids have with strangers are not shared with parents.
- Most kids report having seen pornography online, however, most parents believe their children have never been exposed.
- Many parents do admit to having no idea what their teen/tweens are doing online, and their children KNOW IT.
Why is this the case? Research has discovered three major factors in why parents are not always informed about their children’s internet usage.
- Accessibility. The internet is everywhere: at home, school, the library, in our pockets and in our kids’ hands. The day of putting the computer in a public space in your home and calling it good is no longer sufficient. Relying on filters and apps to protect our children can be helpful, but is not the perfect answer. Many kids find ways to get around filters or just go online via other sources, such as a friend’s device.
- Inaccurate perceptions. Parents tend to underestimate online dangers and overestimate how their children behave online. They tend to believe dangerous online activity happens to other people’s kids. They erroneously think, “My kids are smarter than that and know how to act.” Both of these false ideas put children at great risk and keep parents in the dark about what is really going on.
- Communication. When there is little communication, there is little understanding. When kids feel they can’t be honest with their parents, they don’t communicate, and parents remain clueless. Kids who do not feel they can communicate with their parents are at high risk of being targeted by online predators and using other detrimental online activity. The Cornell University study showed when kids had adverse interactions online, they did not tell parents and tried to handle it themselves (Byrne et al., 2013).
What can we as parents do to help protect our children from online threats?
- Be aware of your child’s online activity! The more private online time they have, the more they are at risk. Have family meetings to discuss rules and expectations for online behavior. Use our to assist you.
- Stop thinking your kids are safe online. There are real dangers out there, and our kids need our protection and guidance. Be well informed and stay up to date on . Today’s kids are experts in this digital world. The digital landscape is home to them and they are often very aware of this fact which thy use it to their advantage. Be diligent and take the time to learn and understand how social media sites, gaming sites, popular apps work. You should also stay up-to-date on what is trending in the digital world.
- not just once but regularly. Have important conversations about online safety, pornography, and cyberbullying. Make sure to have a conversation and not a one-sided lecture. Allow time for your children to talk and for you to listen. If you really want to know what is going on in their lives off and online, you must listen and not lecture. Let your kids know they can share anything with you without losing your love or support. Tell them that you will always be there to help them if they ever need you. Be the safe and secure place they can depend upon.
The internet is an amazing place. Similar to a big, metropolitan city, there is so much to explore. In big cities like Manhattan, there are museums, parks, concerts, Broadway, restaurants, and sites to see, but there are also areas to avoid. Most parents would never say to their 13-year-old, “Here is a MetroCard. Explore the city whenever you want. Go wherever you want, and you don’t even have to tell me anything about your trips there or with whom you met and spoke.” Wouldn’t this be risky and possibly even neglectful? The internet can be seen the same way. It places the world right in your child’s hand; be mindful of their accessibility to it. Keep yourself connected to them and communicate regularly.
Would you like to feel more confident when answering the questions at the beginning of this article? If the answer is yes, then please check out our website and be ready to inspire your kids to better understand the internet and use tech for good. Our children’s books have great examples and interactive questions to help start the conversation: Petra’s Power to See: A Media Literacy Adventure and Noah’s New Phone: A Story about Using Technology for Good. There are also numerous articles and videos that provide a wide array of information.
Please share this article with other parents; we are all in this together!
Marina Spears received her Bachelor of Science in Marriage and Family Studies from BYU Idaho. She runs the student guidance program at the Summit School of the Poconos and facilitates a support group for families of addicts. She is also a contributing writer and editor at Educate and Empower Kids. She is the mother of five children and loves to spend time with her family.
Citations:
Byrne, S., Katz, S.J., Lee, T., Linz, D. & Mc IIarth, M (2013) Peers, Predators, and Porn: Predicting Parental Underestimation of Children’s Risky Online Experiences, Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication
