By Kaitlynn Christiansen
Parenting is the one job that truly doesn’t come with an all encompassing how-to book. Every child is different. They have different needs and different personalities, and each child needs a different variation of parenting. What is the best way to parent? Do we become a supreme ruler or do we let the children run the house?
Your answers to these questions, whether they fall on these extremes or lie somewhere in between, can help you determine your parenting style. When it comes to parenting styles, it is important to know that most people are often drawn to one of these four categories:
- Authoritarian
- Authoritative
- Uninvolved/Neglectful
- Permissive
The Differences Between Parenting Styles
In the 1960s, a developmental psychologist named Diana Baumrind proposed the four styles of parenting after numerous studies and discussions with other accredited researchers. The styles are still highly regarded as sound research. It is important to note that at different times and in different situations people may lean towards multiple different styles. Each style is based on the level of responsiveness from the parent, and also the level of demand the parent places on the child.
- Authoritarian: low responsiveness/high demand
- Authoritative: mid responsiveness/mid demand
- Uninvolved/Neglectful: low responsiveness/low demand
- Permissive: high responsiveness/low demand
Pros and Cons
Authoritarian
This style can be described as “it’s my way or the highway” or the strict parents. They are the parents who expect blind obedience and are not overly affectionate.
- Pros
Children who come from authoritarian households tend to do well in school and follow rules extremely well both at home and in society. This is because authoritarian households often have very strict rules and high expectations.
- Cons
The cons are that these children often rebel and have behavioral problems. They also tend to struggle with being independent. Authoritarian parents ascribe to the “rule by fear” mantra and the natural response of most children is to either submit or rebel. Depending on the personality type this will cause different problems for those personality types. The more submissive children often find it hard to be assertive and stand up for themselves, and the children who rebel often struggle with authority figures and rules of any kind.
Authoritative
This style can be described as balanced. These are parents who have equal parts expectations and loving support. The parents have expectations that are explained to the child, and there are consequences when rules are broken. These parents encourage the kids to be well-rounded and independent, but keep watch and guide the children when problems arise. In an article written by Alec Robson, it states, “The authoritative parenting style is considered by many experts to be the most effective approach to raising kids. That’s because it strikes a balance between high expectations and parental warmth—something that research has shown is key for a child’s healthy development both academically and socially/emotionally.”
- Pros
Children raised with this parenting style tend to be happy and well adjusted. They excel in school and are good at following the rules, but they are also independent and able to make their own choices. The principle behind this parenting style is “teach them how and then let them do.” The children listen out of love and respect instead of fear.
- Cons
There are not many cons concerning children, but this is a difficult parenting style to achieve. Rebellion is often an issue these parents deal with. Another thing that can occur is a parent becoming more of a “helicopter parent”. It is imperative to balance the guidance with allowing independence.
Uninvolved/Neglectful
This style is regarded as the worst by experts. It is defined as when the parents do not really care to parent at all. This can be because of mental health issues, or because the parent simply doesn’t care.
- Pros
There are not really any pros to this style of parenting. It does not benefit a child to simply not parent them.
- Cons
These children are more likely to have a myriad of mental health, behavior, and academic issues. They are more prone to get caught up in dangerous activities such as drugs and gang activity. These children are put into a “sink or swim” situation and more times than not they sink. Those who swim still struggle with self esteem and missing out on their childhoods. This style of parenting forces a child to grow up much too quickly and make decisions that child is not emotionally or mentally equipped for.
Permissive
These are the parents who want to be their children’s friend and parent. They do not care much for rules or routine. They don’t like it when their children struggle and will often step in to rescue them.
- Pros
These children often benefit from their parents’ emotional support and closeness. They also are usually more independent because they have to make their own decisions from the time they are younger.
- Cons
The cons of permissive parenting are that these children do not know the word “no,” and that can lead to issues in society and school. These children also tend to struggle academically. These children also may grow up to resent their parents because they had to make so many grown up choices so young. The lack of stability leads to children missing out on harder life lessons like planning, work, and self control.
Parenting can be hard, but it is equally rewarding! We are all different. Our children are all different. Find the parenting style that works best for you and your children. Talk to your children and do your best to give them the care and love that they need. Do your research. You have the world at your fingertips. Through the ups and downs, your children will recognize your loving effort.
For more ideas on how to have good conversations with your kid, check out our book: Conversations With My Kids: 30 Essential Family Discussions For The Digital Age.
Kaitlynn Christiansen is an elementary teacher who is pursuing a bachelor’s degree in Marriage and Family Studies from Brigham Young University-Idaho. She loves to learn and is passionate about educating families about healthy relationships.
Citations:
American SPCC. (2022, June 13). The 4 types of parenting styles. American SPCC. https://americanspcc.org/the-4-types-of-parenting-styles/
Beenke, T. (n.d.). The 4 types of parenting styles: Which One are you? Beenke. https://beenke.com/parenting/the-4-types-of-parenting-styles-which-one-are-you/
Robson, A. (2022, November 6). The Pros and cons of the 4 most popular parenting styles. MyChesCo. https://www.mychesco.com/a/lifestyle/parenting/the-pros-and-cons-of-the-4-most-popular-parenting-styles/
