By Kaitlynn Christiansen

From the people in our lives to the media we consume, the idea of romance and relationships is heavily covered. However, not all the relationships that we are exposed to are realistic or healthy. Many shows, movies, and other forms of entertainment show young teenagers making adult decisions and glamorizing situations that are entirely inappropriate.

They also often neglect to show the true heartache and hardships that can come with these situations. The pornography industry has gone from just targeting boys and men. They now target women and girls with “porn for women” and “feminist porn”. This is still extremely harmful because, although it may show clips of added “romance,” in the end it still features body-punishing sex and humiliating and degrading depictions of women. This can be exceptionally damaging to children, can lead to addictive behaviors, and alter the way they understand relationships and sex. We need to be prepared to teach our children about all facets of relationships, good and bad. Knowledge and empowerment are the keys for setting them up for success and safety. 

What IS The Media Teaching Our Children About Relationships?

When I was a young teenager, my friend showed me a show where a sophomore in high school was having a secret relationship with her teacher who was in his twenties. My friend talked about how romantic and amazing their relationship was. She said it worked because the girl in the show was so mature and needed someone who was much older because she had an “old soul”. 

There are other shows that glamorize teen pregnancy, and teach kids that sexual activity is how they are expected to express love. Furthermore, these shows lead many children and teens to believe that toxic behaviors in relationships are appropriate. Cheating and different types of abuse are often showcased as minor challenges that a couple has to overcome instead of the serious situations that they are. 

How is This Affecting Children and Teens?

Children and teens today have more pressure than ever to look and act certain ways. On apps like TikTok and Instagram, there are thousands of videos of teens and children scantily dressed doing sexually suggestive dances to music with explicit lyrics. Teenage boys and girls create “thirst traps”, and in the comment sections, adults as well as other adolescents make extremely inappropriate remarks about the person featured in the video. These are the videos that get views and likes so they feel pressured to deliver them, never thinking of the consequences that could come with them. Kids make these types of videos because being “TikTok famous” is considered a high achievement for teens and young adults.

Statistically, the depression and suicide rates among adolescents have skyrocketed the past few years, and so have the levels of sexualization our children are being subjected to through the media they consume. This is not a coincidence. 

What Can We Do?

Every family has different circumstances, but there are ways to teach children about healthy relationships no matter the situation. Some ways we can do this are:

• Show respect to your spouse and others around you. By doing this, you teach your children that respect is a necessary part of a healthy relationship. 

• Practice setting healthy boundaries and make sure you teach your child how to do the same. 

• Teach them about communication. Make sure to teach them to be able to voice their thoughts and feelings and to be receptive to the communications of others. 

• Teach them about sex and romance. Teach them about the emotional, physical, mental changes and attachments that it can bring, and the consequences of getting involved with those things too early in life. 

• Teach them that their value is not dependent on looks or another person’s opinion of them. 

• Take the time to discuss bodies as they develop and continue to progress towards adulthood. Teach them about the feelings they may feel, and the new things they may discover about themselves. 

• Have an open dialogue about anything and everything. Things will come up in your child’s life and relationships that are unexpected. Make sure they have a safe space and a bond of trust with you so that they know where to turn for help. 

The harmful effects of media will always be a threat, but they can be combated. We must teach our children or the world will. Through research and steps taken to educate and protect your children, you can offer them protection and the ability to see things as they really are. 

For great ideas and simple lessons to teach your children about sexual intimacy and safety, check out our books:

30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 3-7: Empowering Your Child with Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy

30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 8-11: Empowering Your Child with Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy

30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 12+: Empowering Your Child with Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy

  

Kaitlynn Christiansen is an elementary teacher who is pursuing a bachelor’s degree in Marriage and Family Studies from Brigham Young University-Idaho. She loves to learn and is passionate about educating families about healthy relationships. 

Citations:

Mulford, C., & Giordano, P. (2008, October 26). Teen dating violence: A closer look at adolescent romantic relationships. National Institute of Justice. https://nij.ojp.gov/topics/articles/

Williams, C. (2021, May 25). 8 lessons you should teach your children about relationships. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/being-your-best-self/202105/8-lessons-you-should-teach-your-children-about-relationships