By Tina Mattsson
Last week I asked my kids a couple of questions I’d been meaning to ask. They were questions I didn’t really want to know the answers to because I knew it would most likely mean I needed to make some changes. I asked my kids if they feel like I spend too much time on my phone. And do they feel I really listen to them, or does my phone distract me? I also asked what their thoughts were on their use of technology. Their responses were not surprising. Yes they feel my phone does distract me. And my daughter said she would like to use technology less herself and have more family time. My son felt he should be allowed more technology time, but that’s another discussion for another day.
I’ve been spending this past week reflecting. Is my phone creating a disconnect in our family? Are my kids too connected? Are we too busy? Am I practicing distracted parenting? What can I do to change it?
Interestingly, the size of homes has increased by 50 percent over the last couple of generations (Taylor, 2013). It’s possible for family members to spend an entire day in separate rooms, leading to less actual physical communication. Families are busier than they used to be too. I only have two kids. But multiply soccer practice and games, piano, and martial arts by two kids, and we now have 6-9 extracurricular activities a week, just for the kids.
What are some consequences of our over connected and over scheduled lives? In a Psychology Today article, the author said, “As a result,
“…children will feel less familiarity, comfort, trust, security, and most importantly, love from their parents. There is also less sharing, which means that parents know less about what is going on in their children’s lives and, consequently, have less ability to exert influence over them. Parents are also less able to not only offer appropriate supervision and guidance, but, at a more basic level, they are less able to model healthy behavior, share positive values, and send good messages to their children.” (Taylor, 2013).
Here are some tips to help reverse this trend and find connection, real connection, within our families.
- Remember quality time does not include the time spent shuttling kids to activities. Or the time sitting in the same room together but all on separate devices. Quality time is very simply being with your child and family, and being present in the moment.
- Examples of quality time can include:
- Read to your kids.
- Take a walk around your neighborhood and ask your child questions about their day.
- Cook with your kids.
- Go on a family picnic or hike.
- Take a drive to look at fall leaves.
- Model good behavior. Let you kids see you turn off your phone and step away from the computer.
- Don’t be afraid to limit your family’s extra activities.
- Set family limits on technology; limits that everyone follows, not just the kids.
- Set aside one night a week for family night, a night just for the family to reconnect.
- Practice being a good listener.
Tina Mattson has a BA in Journalism with a Minor in English. She is a mother, writer and advocate for children’s safety and education.
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Taylor, J. (2013, March 13). Is Technology Creating a Family Divide? Retrieved September 30, 2015, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201303/is-technology-creating-family-divid
