By Tawny Redford
Social media is flooded with people filling their gratitude quotas during this time of year. You won’t hear me complaining about not having enough; I was the kid with holes in her shoes. It is a massive understatement to say that I am grateful for my upbringing because it taught me the value of a dollar, a work ethic, and the joy of simple pleasures. However, I find my level of gratitude is tested at this time of year as the upcoming expenses of the holidays approach. Maintaining a level of balance in giving my kids wonderful holiday memories, without overdoing it, while at the same time teaching them how and why to be grateful feels like a circus act. Good thing I always loved the circus!
My husband and I are equally festive and we often get caught up in trying to recreate the magic that society embedded into our memories as children. “More is better” is the magical mirage that is the media’s standard for Christmas. My own kids already have their lists for Santa written out and are probably expecting him to outdo whatever he did last year. Is having snow delivered to our home to create a white Christmas going too far? Luckily, I can always blame Santa if these expectations aren’t met!
One of the ways I balance out giving my children time-released abundance is by our family’s annual homeless event in December. We feed, clothe, and mingle with people who are in a rough spot. My kids are as involved as any of our volunteers, whether it’s scooping out soup or fitting someone with a jacket.
When reflecting on the event as a family, we discuss what we felt and will remember the most. I try to direct my children’s thoughts toward the realization that they are absolutely basking in the things that really matter, like having a family who loves them and can provide for them for starters. I always wonder if this experience will help solidify what I want to imprint into my children’s DNA; to help them become the sympathetic, charitable, and kind human beings I someday envision them being. Don’t we all wish that for our children? I want my children to have the same sense of freedom as I do by having the ability to notice the sunsets, breathing in good healthy air, and not taking life too seriously. That perspective is a result of my upbringing and I appreciate seeing life this way.
So when your head is about to explode, as a parent, from all the wants and “needs” your child presents you with this holiday season, remember these tips:
- Teaching our children that gratitude goes far beyond “please” and “thank you” is one of the most important gifts we can give. It exceeds any iPhone or American Girl doll that you may feel encompasses ‘providing’ for your kids. In fact, expressing gratitude bolsters self-worth and self-esteem! (Lyubomirsky, 2008).
- Try to think about teaching your children gratitude by example rather than by shaming them into finishing their meal by reminding them of what kids in China have in comparison.
- Recognize every opportunity we have to turn any moment into “on the job training” for our kids to learn what gratitude looks and sounds like. (Hint: it doesn’t look like anything that derives from the national mint and it doesn’t include complaining!)
- If your children learn to be grateful for the things that can’t be bought then they will be more satisfied adults because they will always recognize the abundance around them.
We can teach our children the “textbook” version of what gratitude is but until they feel it in their souls, even our deliberate messages won’t register. As parents we can be the lens in their glasses to help them see and feel gratitude for what is right in front of them until their eyes are trained to see for themselves.
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Need Help with Tough Topics? We got you covered!Tawny Redford is a wife and mother of two children. She has a B.A. from California State University-Sacramento and is passionate about issues involving childhood development. She chooses to use her opinionative nature to empower others instead of drive her husband crazy.
Citations:
Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). The how of happiness: A scientific approach to getting the life you want. New York: Penguin Press.
