By Amanda Kimball and Melody Bergman
Over the years the ideal body image for boys has drastically changed. Huge muscular superheroes and male models now play a big part in the way our sons see themselves. And suddenly, having a cool hairstyle and fit body doesn’t seem like it’s enough anymore. As a result, our boys are taking unhealthy and dramatic actions in order to achieve this new “ideal body” (Cruz, 2014).
As a mother, I wonder what I should be looking for to help my son on his journey to becoming a young man. I do not want him to believe that his body is not good enough when he is healthy and still developing. After doing some research I have found some helpful tips to answer my questions.
What are the dangers of a poor body image?
In a study published by The Journal of the American Medicine Association (JAMA) Pediatrics in 2014, researchers found that when boys had high concerns about their body image they were more likely to:
- Develop depression
- Use drugs
- Engage in binge drinking
- Use steroids
As parents, we can’t afford to take these things lightly. The consequences of poor body image can be severe and even life-threatening. “Long-term use of steroids is associated with depression, rage attacks, suicidal tendencies, and cardiomyopathies. And the negative effects can be particularly significant for adolescents since their bodies are going through a period of major growth and development ” (Cruz, 2014).
Another serious issue associated with poor body image is called Muscle Dysmorphia, “…an emerging condition that primarily affects male bodybuilders. Such individuals obsess about being adequately muscular. Compulsions include spending many hours in the gym, squandering excessive amounts of money on supplements, abnormal eating patterns, or use of steroids” (NEDA).
What should I be looking for?
- Excessive workouts. Do you have a son who is obsessed with the gym? Does he spend endless hours working out and never seem satisfied with the size of his muscles? We need to be aware of these compulsions and make sure our boys have balance in their lives. “Working out isn’t bad. A generation of boys becoming more aware of their bodies isn’t bad. But working out in pursuit of an outdated notion of masculinity is most definitely not the direction in which we want our sons to be headed” (Drexler, 2013)
- Changes in eating habits. Have you noticed that your son is suddenly eating less or avoiding certain foods that he used to enjoy? “Despite the stereotype that eating disorders only occur in women, about one in three people struggling with an eating disorder is male” (NEDA).
- The use of steroids and protein shakes. We really need to be aware of these substances and how they affect our kids “ie, use of creatine supplements, growth hormone derivatives, and anabolic steroids” (Field, Sonneville, and Crosby). Read the labels! Often these substances are not for the use of children under the age of 18 and can actually affect healthy growth and development.
How can parents help?
Below is a list of ways parents can help boys develop and maintain a healthy body image. Most of these suggestions are from our book, Messages about me: Wade’s story. A Boy’s Quest for Healthy Body Image.
- Listen. Don’t just lecture your boys about healthy body image. Remember to stop and listen to their thoughts and fears on the subject. “Pediatricians and adolescent medicine docs and parents [need] to become aware that they should be listening as much to their sons’ conversations about weight as their daughters’” (Cruz, 2014).
- Remember, your kids are listening to you! Pay attention to your own attitudes regarding body image. When you make comments about others’ bodies, about your own body, and about your kids’ bodies, they pick up on those things–whether you realize it or not! “Most parents underestimate the degree to which their children are aware of what they do and say. I think we get used to our children not paying attention to us when we want them to mind us that we forget how closely they are listening to us then we’d rather they didn’t. But children have an extraordinary talent for appearing to be lost in their own thoughts when they are actually paying very close attention” (Steinberg, 2004). Be mindful of what you say around them. They may just be hanging on to every word.
- Stop making negative comments about your body in front of your kids! Children learn through example. When we are negative about our own bodies, our kids, in turn, will start to find faults in their own body. Show your kids you love your body for what it does, not how it looks.
- Teach them to speak kindly to themselves. Challenge your kids to find one thing about themselves that they like every day. This can help them see that their body is perfect the way it is and help build confidence.
- Avoid fashion magazines, men’s muscle and fitness magazines, and hyper-sexualized media in your home. This type of media has been photoshopped and the images portrayed are not real. No one can achieve those looks without taking drastic measures.
- Remind your kids that comparing their bodies to others is not helpful. Each body is different and unique. This is a good thing.
- Focus most of your praise on what your kids do, not on their looks. Telling your son he is strong or handsome is easy. Seeing your child’s actual successes is a benchmark of attentive parenting. “Children want our eyeballs more than anything else, so we have to train ourselves to look for the good behavior ” (Cooper, 2005). Check out our article, for some great ideas on this subject.
- If your child struggles with their weight… Help them to improve their physical health without emphasizing weight numbers and without making it a moral issue. Your child should NOT be shamed or made to feel like a bad person because they struggle.
- Take everyday opportunities to talk about what your kids see on TV, movies, the internet, and social media. Explain the purpose of most media is to sell products, not accurately present real life. Teach your kids that most of the bodies they see in the media and ads are not real! They have been airbrushed and photoshopped to remove all the flaws. For more on this subject, check out our book Petra’s Power to See: A Media Literacy Adventure.
- If needed, seek help from a professional. There are many treatments for young boys and men that are available. Talk to your pediatrician and they can help point you in the right direction.
Talking to our children about the images they see in the media can help them understand that what they see is not real. Their body is wonderful and is still growing and developing.
For a great resource to help you address healthy body image with your boys, check out Messages About Me: Wade’s Story: A Boy’s Quest for Healthy Body Image. It includes an engaging story and great discussions about media and other messages that affect our body image.
Also available: Petra’s Power to See: A Media Literacy Adventure for a great story and more great talks on media, media illusions, social media, and more!
Amanda Kimball will be earning her bachelor’s degree in Marriage and Family Studies this winter. She is a mother of three children and is married to a loving and devoted husband of 11 years. She loves taking family trips to the beach in the summer and watching old classic movies during the winter.
Melody Harrison Bergman is a mother and step-mom of three awesome boys and creator of the blog MamaCrossroads (http://mamacrossroads.com). She has a bachelor’s degree in communications and has been writing and editing since 2002. Melody has made it her mission to motivate leaders and community members to educate and protect their children. Her experiences as a survivor of sexual abuse and former spouse of a sex addict bring unique perspective to the fight against pornography and sexual exploitation.
Citations:
Alexander, D., Roberts, K., and Webb, J. (2017). Messages about me: Wades story. A boys quest for healthy body image. M. Warner, T. Mattsson (Ed.). Rising Parent Media, LLC.
Cruz, J. S. (2014). Body-image pressure increasingly affects boys. The Atlantic. Retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/body-image-pressure-increasingly-affects-boys/283897/
Cooper, E. (2005). 101 Positive discipline techniques. Quest Fail, 8(2). Retrieved from https://ww2.odu.edu/ao/instadv/quest/101s.html
Drexler, P., Ph.D. (2013). The impact of negative body image on boys. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/our-gender-ourselves/201301/the-impact-negative-body-image-boys
Field AE, Sonneville KR, Crosby RD, et al. (n.d.). Prospective associations of concerns about physique and the development of obesity, binge drinking, and drug use among adolescent boys and young adult men. JAMA Pediatr. 2014;168(1):34–39. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2013.2915. Retrieved from https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/1766495
McCreary, D. R., & Sadava, S. W. (2001). Gender differences in relationships among perceived attractiveness, life satisfaction, and health in adults as a function of body mass index and perceived weight. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 2(2), 108-116. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/1524-9220.2.2.108
NEDA, (n.d.). Eating disorders in men and boys. Retrieved from https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/general-information/research-on-males
Steinberg, L. (2004). The ten basic principles of good parenting. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster Paperbacks.
