By Haley Hawks
This week I visited my boyfriend’s family for one of their annual holiday traditions. We spent ten days on a remote, tiny island with almost constant noise and people. I come from a small, quiet family and have found myself feeling annoyed and frustrated with all the hustle happening around me.
This is a common feeling during holiday seasons. We all get together and we can get on each others’ nerves. But there is one thing to do right now to change our attitudes of annoyance into happiness: be grateful.
You’ve heard this before, right? Gratitude will change our lives for the better. Well it’s true! “Gratitude can have such a powerful impact on your life because it engages your brain in a virtuous cycle. Your brain only has so much power to focus its attention. It cannot easily focus on both positive and negative stimuli. So once you start seeing things to be grateful for, your brain starts looking for more things to be grateful for. That’s how the virtuous cycle gets created,” says Dr. Alex Korb (2012).
The power of gratitude can be difficult to harness in both adults and children during the busy, crowded holiday season. To help you, here are a few incredibly easy ways we can create more feelings of gratitude with our families today.
- Teach your children to value people and experiences more than things.
It really is wonderful to give and receive gifts but be cautious when using material goods to express love and appreciation. It has been found that, “an overemphasis on material possessions during childhood can have long-lasting effects” (Dovijarov, n.d.). Instead of instilling a love of things, instill a love of people and experiences. Teach your kids to create and appreciate the moment they are living in:
- Exchange a gift with your child that is not a material item
- Leave phones and devices behind
- Focus on the moment
- Make face-to-face interaction the most important factor
Being physically and mentally present is a gift. It not only gives you the ability to to appreciate the moment, but also allows others to partake in your light and joy as well.
2. Recognize the gifts in messy moments.
Just as I was feeling so constricted by the noise of my boyfriend’s family, I decided to take a step back. Yes, the kids were screaming. But they were adorable with their sweet, devilish smiles. Yes, there was a ton of people all talking and yelling, but those people were connecting and enjoying! Move beyond selfish inclination, and focus on the gifts that are happening right now! “Gratitude requires an appreciation of the positive aspects of your situation. It is not a comparison. You actually have to show appreciation for what you have, for it to have an effect, (Korb, 2012.)”
3. Make a habit of giving sincere compliments to your partner and kids daily.
Look for the opportunities to share happiness in the form of compliments. Speaking kind words to others help us to be kind and feel kind. “Compliments are little gifts of love. They are not asked for or demanded. They tell a person they are worthy of notice, (Marano, 2004.)”
Let us teach our children that being fully present and looking outside of selfish inclinations causes gratitude and more happiness in the moment. If time is spent on social media, help children to spread positivity. Interactions should create a happier connection in real life.
4. Teach your kids to express gratitude in a tangible way.
In addition to feeling gratitude, express it. Here are a few simple ways to send a thank you:
- Send a text
- Send an email
- Post a “thank you” on social media
- Write a letter
Don’t let the season pass by without sending your appreciation!
Our book, , includes an amazing section on gratitude and more! It’s available in both print and ebook versions.
Here is our for teaching your child gratitude! Check out all of our great parent helps on our Lessons Page.
Haley Hawks has a Bachelors of Science in Marriage and Family Studies from Brigham Young University-Idaho. She is passionate about learning, especially when it comes to relationships and family life. She hopes to one day be able to educate on a world-wide setting in regards to promoting goodness in the family, and destroying ideals that hurt society.
Citations:
Dovijarov, Vladimir. (n.d.). Defined by Your Possessions? How Loving Parents Unintentionally Foster Materialism in Their Children. Retrieved August 29, 2017, from http://www.press.uchicago.edu/pressReleases/2015/March/150306_JCR_defined_by_your_possessions.html
Korb, A. (2012, November 20). The Grateful Brain. Retrieved August 29, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prefrontal-nudity/201211/the-grateful-brain
Marano, H. E. (2004, March 01). The Art of the Complement. Retrieved August 29, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
