By Tawny Redford
Recently I picked up my kids from school and we hadn’t even got into the car before I heard the familiar words of my ten year old son, “Mom what are we doing tonight?” His inevitable question of the day, awoke my “It’s 3:00 and I’d rather be napping than playing 20 questions” response, “I don’t know, skiing in Aspen? What do you expect us to do on a Tuesday night!?” As we rode home, the accounts of their day resembled the mumblings of Charlie Brown’s mom because all I could think about was why my son has this obsession with what is coming next. Is it his need for predictability to fulfill his comfort zone? Or could it be a reflection of our current, global perspective; one that supports the idea that there is always a moment better than the one we’re experiencing?
I have to admit, I have been guilty of participating in a family moment and spending more time picking the perfect ‘filter’ to share it with the world than actually experiencing the moment itself. How much more joy could have been absorbed if my phone hadn’t been in arm’s length? While social media viewed my ‘perfect’ moment, the only message I sent my kids was that what people thought of it was more important to me than my sharing it with them. (Newsflash parents! A moment in time can exist without a ‘selfie’ documenting it.)
It is obvious how advanced technology has become, but does the quality of our interactions with each other have to minimize along with it? If so, what hope of creating meaningful interactions, let alone strong families, is there?!
It is so easy for parents to fall into the ‘distraction trap.’ And because we won’t see immediate consequences, it feels harmless. When in reality, each time we divert an opportunity to connect with our children by partially engaging we are allowing precious opportunities to teach and express love, unique to that moment in time, to slip through the cracks. Our kids are depending on us to exemplify the power of connection with them! If we fail to teach them this vital life lesson we are responsible for the future void they will feel because their ability to fully appreciate and be present will have never properly developed.
However there is hope for those of us who’ve reached the end of the day and asked ourselves, “How did I connect with my child today?” if at all. We can have the close-knit family we so desire but we need to be intentional about being ‘present’ with our children if we are going to succeed. We can implement simple tools within our day to connect with and strengthen our children which will fortify the family unit in general.
- Plan ahead to be present with your children. You will ease the feeling of being mentally ‘pulled away’ with unfinished business.
- Give your undivided attention to your children as often as possible. (Ex: Try putting your phone down, closing your computer, and maintaining eye contact!)
- If housework has to be done when your kids are present, get them involved and have fun with it! (Make the mop your microphone and rock out with your kids)
- Listen to your kid’s daily concerns by asking open-ended questions and following up a day or two later.
- Stop over-planning your days with excess extracurricular activities to allow room for distraction-free time together.
Our example is the most powerful teaching method of how to have meaningful, focused interactions that we could offer our children. Show them the importance of ‘being present’ in life by being present in theirs. The results of this investment will be their self-worth and your family bond skyrocketing! Children are so much smarter than we give them credit for. They know when we are mentally present and when we aren’t. If we don’t invest our attention in them now, then when we have lost touch with who they are and how they got there, we will have no one else to blame but ourselves. No status update, email, or household chore is worth the cost of a rock-solid family. It is an investment you will never regret!
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Tawny Redford is a wife and mother of two children. She has a B.A. from Sacramento State University and is passionate about issues involving childhood development. She chooses to use her opinionative nature to empower others instead of drive her husband crazy.
