By Kaitlynn Christiansen
Usually when we think of sexual predators, we imagine a shadowy, evil figure. We do not often imagine people we know. Although it is a difficult scenario to imagine, the reality is 90% of childhood sexual assault is from someone inside the child’s circle of trust. Another difficult reality is that a percentage of those are children themselves.
Peer-on-peer sexual abuse has been on rise. David Finklehoff, the director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center says, “With the easy access to pornography we are seeing more and more cases of child on child sexual abuse, and older children/siblings sexually abusing younger children.”
Preventative Steps
Armed with this information, we need to take the necessary steps to protect our children. There are many different ways to go about it, and it is important to counsel together as a family to come up with a plan that works for you. The following are some suggestions of steps you can take when deciding how to combat peer-on-peer sexual abuse:
The conversation about sexual safety should be an ongoing one with age appropriate information and clear understanding.
- You can start discussing privacy as young as toddlers.
- Teach them with words in their vocabulary and go over any new words you introduce for clarification.
- Make it clear and simple. There is good and bad in this instance and it is important for them to know that.
- Teach them about anatomy and what good and bad touch is.
- Teach them that it is ok to say no, and if they are uncomfortable and another person is in their space they have the right to say no.
- Make it clear that even if someone isn’t touching them, showing them their privates or asking to see theirs is still violating their personal privacy.
- Tell them that even if it is another kid who is asking/doing it, it is still inappropriate.
Decide what your family policy on sleepovers will be.
- Remember that each family will decide based on their circumstances.
- Discuss the pros and cons of sleeping over at a friends vs. sleepovers at a family member’s home.
- Remember you cannot decide who is at another person’s house so there's always a risk.
Make a plan with your child should there ever be a situation.
- If your family does choose to do sleepovers, or in any other situation when they are away from home, have a word or phrase that your child can say in a phone call to you or a text so that you know they need to be picked up.
- Make a list of safe adults who your child can go to or contact if they are unable to get a hold of you.
- Know where your child is going and who they will be with. You cannot always control unexpected happenings at someone else's house, but being informed beforehand is still important.
- Make sure that your child has a way to contact you if needed.
Protecting our children is always a high priority. By making a plan and educating our children, we can equip them to go out into the world and practice safety. There are many dangers, but there are many ways to prevent bad situations. Make sure that your children know and understand the importance of safety by making it an ongoing discussion in your household. Trust and communication will always be one of our best tools as we guide our children into adulthood.
For more ideas on how to help children learn about sexual intimacy and safety, check out our books:
30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 3-7: Empowering Your Child with Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy
30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 8-11: Empowering Your Child with Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy
30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 12+: Empowering Your Child with Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy
Kaitlynn Christiansen is an elementary teacher who is pursuing a bachelor's degree in Marriage and Family Studies from Brigham Young University-Idaho. She loves to learn and is passionate about educating families about healthy relationships.
Citations:
National Center for Victims of Crime. (2023). Child sexual abuse statistics. The National Center for Victims of Crime. https://victimsofcrime.org/child-sexual-abuse-statistics/
Primary Children's Hospital. (2018, June 28). What do kids need to know about sexual harassment and abuse? intermountainhealthcare.org. https://intermountainhealthcare.org/blogs/topics/pediatrics/2018/01/what-do-kids-need-to-know-about-sexual-harassment-and-abuse/
Sanders, J. (2017, January 28). 12 confronting statistics on Child sexual abuse. HuffPost. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/12-confronting-statistics-on-child-sexual-abuse_b_587dab01e4b0740488c3de49
Sperry, D. M., & Gilbert, B. O. (2005, August 24). Child peer sexual abuse: Preliminary data on outcomes and disclosure experiences. Child Abuse & Neglect. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0145213405001705
