By Mackenzie Nelson
I’m a pretty level-headed person, but if I’m not careful, frequently viewing certain social media content, albeit harmless in nature, can have a very negative effect on me. It becomes easier, even natural, for me to compare myself to those I see online and then have negative feelings about myself.
If seemingly harmless social media content can have such an effect on a grown woman, how much more can it affect teenagers and kids whose brains are still developing?!
I recently interviewed a friend of mine, Dr. Lauren A. Barnes, who treats individuals with body image and eating disorders. She explained, “There is so much in our culture that is telling us ‘You’re not good enough because ___ with your body.’” No body type or individual is excluded from this. I asked her to share some of the underlying issues of body image and eating disorders. Lack of self-worth, self-confidence, or not feeling loved were the main culprits. Ultimately, people wish to alter their bodies because they want to feel loved and accepted. “We want to be connected with people,” Barnes said.
Dr. Barnes expressed that social media has had a substantial negative impact on self-esteem and body image, stating, “Social media is basically a bragging platform. People need to celebrate and share good things, but how often are you seeing the other side of that?”
She pointed out that those who passively scroll and lurk can have a 33% increase in depressive symptoms. She explained further, “So passive use of social media, and especially not being intentional about who you follow or what you see, is not going to be helpful.” Barnes gives all of her eating disorder/body image clients homework to go through and edit the social media accounts they follow. “It’s really important to curate your social media so it’s helping you to feel better.” She continued, “Research in general shows that there are some people who very purposefully and intentionally use social media, and they’ve curated their feeds in a way that helps them feel better.”
When discussing social media, Dr. Barnes asks her clients if they want to have public or private platforms. If they wish to have public platforms, they need to expect fewer deepened connections. She explained that we form connections when we have higher levels of closeness and vulnerability with people. So, as exciting as it may be to follow countless profiles and have hundreds or even thousands of followers, they can expect to feel lower levels of closeness and less fulfilling connections with their followers.
Dr. Barnes suggests age appropriateness for introducing social media to each individual kid. She said, “Parents and their kids need to talk about when social media happens,” and ask questions like, “what are we doing on here, how are we feeling, etc.?”
If your child or teen is asking to use social media, here are a few things to consider:
- Is your child developmentally ready for the responsibility that social media requires?
Social media can have a strong influence on your child, for better or for worse. Talk to your child about the powerful effects social media can have on them mentally, physically, and socially. (And understand that most teens, even the best and brightest, do not have fully developed brains and are thus not truly ready for social media.)
- Empower your child by teaching them how to read between the lines of all types of media.
Petra’s Power to See is a great book to read to your kids as you teach them about media literacy.
- What is the current state of your child’s body image?
Body comparisons are made so much easier when they have access to social media. Focus on ways that you can help instill a healthy body image in your child. Check out these two unique books for thought-provoking discussions–Messages About Me: Wade’s Story, A Boy’s Quest for a Healthy Body Image, and a Messages About Me: A Girl’s Journey to Healthy Body Image.
If you choose to allow your child or teen to use social media:
- Teach the importance of using social media intentionally.
This means having a purpose and avoiding mindless scrolling. It also means setting time limits, curating your social media feeds, and only viewing content that makes you feel better. (But be aware that most teens–and adults– are ill-equipped to be truly intentional about their social media use.)
- Focus on using social media for good.
Teach your kids ways that they can use social media to help and uplift others.
- Stress the dangers that lurk online such as online predators, and teach them to R.U.N. from pornography.
- Follow a family media usage plan, and have reliable parental controls in place.
It is so important to have a line of open communication with your child or teen. Discuss on a regular basis what they see on social media and how it makes them feel, whether it’s through their own social media accounts or a friend’s account. Being your child’s closest ally is their best defense against negative influences, on and off-line.
For more tips on helping your child understand body image, check out our many resources including, A Lesson About Healthy Body Image.
Mackenzie Nelson received her Bachelor of Science in Marriage and Family Studies from BYU Idaho, and she is passionate about promoting the family. She and her husband of 14 years have three children. She is a homeschool mom, a painter, and she loves to grow plants, exercise and organize.
Dr. Barnes is currently the Director of Clinical Training for BYU’s Marriage & Family Therapy graduate programs. She also maintains a small private practice. She has researched and presented on family implicit rules in eating disordered and non-eating disordered families as well as other family system dynamics related to economic distress, division of labor, parenting involvement, and marital relationships. She is happily married to Aaron Barnes and they have two very lively, young children.
Citations:
Lauren Barnes. BYU FHSS Faculty. (n.d.). Retrieved July 12, 2022, from https://fhssfaculty.byu.edu/directory/lauren-barnes
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