By Megan Epperson
“So you wanna hook up?” This is a question many teens are being asked by their peers. Kids these days are far more sexualized than we were when we were kids. They see and hear about sexuality so much that they may think that this is what they are supposed to do. However, the concept of consent plays a part. Our kids need to know that they “deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.” While sex is wonderful within a committed partnership, having sex too soon isn’t a good thing. Just think of teenage grooming habits alone. Most young men and even young women simply do not take care of their personal hygiene very well. Not that we should be saying that boys or girls have cooties, but anyone who doesn’t take good care of themselves should be enough of a reason to turn a nose up at the offer of a hookup. There are many reasons a child should wait to have sex. Among the most serious reasons to wait are possible pregnancy, the potential for STDs, and emotional scarring.
Possible Pregnancy
Let’s face it, when people choose to engage in sex, they also choose the possibility of pregnancy. There are many factors that make pregnancy at a young age difficult to deal with. Children simply are not equipped to be able to support a family at a young age. Oftentimes, those who become pregnant will drop out of school and forfeit obtaining a higher education to secure financially profitable income. In turn, this causes harmful lasting effects of lower socioeconomic status on themselves and their children. According to the National Institute of Health, “Pregnant teenagers suffer more complications, miscarriages, and stillbirths than do adult women, and for girls under the age of 15 these dangers are intensified. Pregnant adolescents are also at greater risk of such complications as toxemia, anemia, prolonged labor, and premature labor.”
Spread of Sexually Transmitted Diseases
According to the National Institute of Health sexually transmitted diseases are defined as “infections transmitted from an infected person to an uninfected person through sexual contact. STDs can be caused by bacteria, viruses, or parasites. Examples include gonorrhea, genital herpes, human papillomavirus infection, HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, and syphilis.” Many STDs have devastating life long effects, some of which can be passed to a newborn baby by an infected mother. No matter how much we would like to think that STDs don’t exist, they most certainly do. The CDC shares that in 2018 there were 26 million new infections reported. Unfortunately, , “about half of these infections are in people between the ages of 15 and 24.” The CDC also explains that adolescents have an increased risk for contracting STDs for many reasons including the fact that “young women’s bodies are biologically more prone to STDs.” Some STDs don’t present for quite some time, while others come on quickly even without “going all the way” and some diseases, such as herpes and HPV, are simply passed through skin-to-skin contact.
Emotional Toll
Many experiences for youth are new and exciting. Relationships add a layer of arousal which further complicates feelings. John Van Epp has developed the Relationship Attachment Model (RAM). The idea behind the RAM is that there are five aspects of a relationship which help to form lasting, strong, and committed relationships. The five aspects are the “depth to which you know, trust, rely on, have a commitment to, and have sexual involvement with another person.” People, especially adolescents, are rushing into sexual relationships without putting the necessary effort to form and maintain lasting bonds, which is the ideal setting for sexual relations. By rushing to have sex, emotions are greatly impacted and can take decades to deal with and heal from.
Children simply are not capable of arriving at this level of deep commitment. Perhaps ask your child if they really think that they and the person they want to have sex with are emotionally capable of fulfilling each other’s desires for a deep, lasting, and committed relationship? The kind of relationship in which two people are devoted to each other and their partner’s happiness more than their own? At this age and stage of life, one asking for sex would likely be much more interested in simply having sex for their own physical desires, personal gratification, and pleasure. As females usually take longer to climax, would her sexual partner have the emotional intelligence and physical restraint required to see that she achieves climax before he does. A selfish desire for the experience of a sexual encounter can leave the other person feeling used and abandoned. Your children need to know that they have much more to offer of themselves that is worthy of being cherished, and not just for how they look and for what their bodies can do for a hormonal teen.
Additionally, the teenage body simply isn’t ready for sexual encounters while the nervous system is still developing. Zachary Weil, research assistant professor at Ohio State’s Department of Neuroscience, explains that while children are young, their nervous system is still developing and changing quickly (2011). Part of the changes adolescents experience are in preparation for when they have matured into sexually active adults. Weil’s research shows that adolescents who engage in sex are more likely to show “an increase in anxiety-like behavior” and an increase in depressive symptoms which “could have amplified effects if they occur before the nervous system has settled down into adulthood.” When young people engage in sexual activity, there are lasting negative emotional effects.
What Can I Do to Safeguard My Children?
. The best way to help protect your children from experiencing devastating effects of early sexual activity is to talk to them. Making sex an acceptable topic of conversation in your home is key in helping them feel safe enough to talk to you about questions or concerns they may have. By being their source of information, you can ensure your children learn correct information. Talking to your children in age appropriate ways will prove to be extremely beneficial for them to be able to combat everything they hear from their peers.
Spend time together. Strong relationships are built by spending time together. Whether you’re playing games, preparing a meal, or watching a movie together, time spent with each other is time well spent. In fact, something as simple as eating dinner at the table together can reduce promiscuity in children and help them to be more confident and capable of handling life’s challenges and pressures, including the pressures of sex.
Build them up. Helping your children know that they are strong and capable can go a long way when it comes to their self-confidence. They need to know that they can handle the pressures of navigating the teen years. This simply isn’t done by lavishing praise on your children. Instead, they actually need challenges they can overcome. When children are confronted with a difficult situation that they have to struggle through, it helps to build their capacity for dealing with peer pressures. By being a positive role model for them and guiding them through those times, you will be an asset to them their whole lives.
It is far better for teens to wait to engage in sexual activity. Teens who engage in sexual behaviors are afflicted with many lasting issues ranging from physical to emotional problems. The many pressures that teens face today to be sexually active can be overwhelming, but you can be a positive influence on their lives. A parent who makes an effort to connect with their children by talking about sex with them, spending time with them, and building them up to be strong in the face of adversity is a wise parent indeed.
For more information on talking to your kids about sex and helping them to be stronger to stand up to the pressures of today’s world be sure to check out 30 Days of Sex Talks and 30 Days to a Stronger Child.
Megan Epperson is a happy wife to an incredible husband and mother of four wonderful children. She enjoys spending time with her family while camping, hiking, and making meals together. She truly enjoys the teenage years with her children. Megan is pursuing a Marriage and Family Studies degree at Brigham Young University-Idaho. She is passionate about forming and maintaining healthy relationships and raising capable, empowered children.
Citations:
Centers for Disease Control. (2022, April 12). CDC fact sheet: information for teens and young adults: staying healthy and preventing STDs. https://www.cdc.gov/std/life-stages-populations/stdfact-teens.htm
Lesson: Talking to your kids about consent. (n.d.). Lessons, Educate Empower Kids. Retrieved April 14, 2023 from https://educateempowerkids.org/talking-to-kids-consent/
News Medical. (2011, November 16). Sex during adolesence can have negative effects on body and mood well into adulthood. https://www.news-medical.net/news/20111116/Sex-during-adolescence-can-have-negative-effects-on-body-and-mood-well-into-adulthood.aspx
Sexually Transmitted Diseases. (2015, August 6). National Institute of Health, National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. Retrieved April 20, 2023 from https://www.niaid.nih.gov/diseases-conditions/sexually-transmitted-diseases#:~:text=Sexually%20transmitted%20diseases%20(STDs)%20are,AIDS%2C%20chlamydia%2C%20and%20syphilis.
The dilemma of teenage parenthood. (n.d.). National Institute of Health, National Library of Medicine. Retrieved April 7, 2023 from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK235276/#_ncbi_dlg_citbx_NBK235276
Van Epp, J. (2007). How to avoid falling in love with a jerk: The foolproof way to follow your heart without losing your mind. McGraw-Hill.
