By Caron C. Andrews
Do your children trust you enough to ask you the toughest questions? Do they know that they have an ally in you, someone who will champion them and give them straight answers? Do they know that you will handle their deepest concerns and fears with loving care? Building trust with your child takes effort; it’s not something that just comes simply because you’re a parent. And it’s necessary for having real emotional intimacy in your relationship. Let’s take a look at a few specific things you can do to establish a trusting relationship with your children.
- Be Trustworthy Yourself This is non-negotiable. You cannot build trust with another person if you are not trustworthy yourself. Don’t lie to your children, don’t tell them what you think they want to hear, it will alienate them when they eventually find out the truth—and they will. Follow through with what you say you will do, especially as it relates to them. Let them know that you are as good as your word.
- Don’t Overreact If you tend to overreact to small things your kids say or do, how will they be able to come to you with bigger problems or questions, the very ones you want them to share with you? Listen to what they have to say or ask. Breathe and think before responding. Even if the issue is dangerous or shocks you, your reaction will make a deep impression on your children and their willingness to come to you again next time.
- Be Consistent From family rules and the consequences of breaking them to following through on your promises, children need consistency. They need to know both the limits and that you are reliable. They need to know what they can count on. These are building blocks of their emotional security as they navigate the world.
- Do As You Say Few things hamper trust more than hypocrisy. Why should your children trust the things you teach them if you don’t adhere to them yourself? Expect the same things from yourself that you do from your kids, and show it through your actions. Showing your children that you believe and trust that the things you are teaching them are good and right is a powerful reinforcement.
- Respect Your Child’s Feelings Opening up and sharing our most tender or scary feelings can be intimidating for anyone. Let your children know that feelings are not wrong; how they deal with them is the key. When your children know that they can be vulnerable with you and find acceptance and respect, they will come to you more easily with their toughest questions and situations.
A strong foundation of trust shows your children that they can come to you in any situation. It will also affirm that you are their champion, ally, and reliable source of love and respect.
See our new book to find lessons related to this topic and learn ways and activities to help your child be stronger!
Available in Kindle or Paperback.Resources:
Markham, L. (2014). Can your child trust you? Ahaparenting.com. Retrieved from http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/communication/trust
Vivo, M. (2011). Five steps to rebuilding trust between parents and teens. Aspeneducation.crchealth.com. Retrieved from http://aspeneducation.crchealth.com/article-building-trust/
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