By Mary Ann Benson, M.S.W., L.S.W.
- Show your children unconditional love. There need to be daily physical and verbal expressions of affection and encouragement for your children that are not in response to something they have done positively. It’s important not to send the message that your children are only lovable when they are behaving well or performing a task or skill. Spontaneous expressions like kissing each other when leaving the house, when returning home, and at bedtime establish strong emotional connections that will last a lifetime. Saying “I love you” frequently creates a climate of warmth in your home.
- Teach your children about their worth. Howard’s Laws of Human Worth (Roum, 2009) are of great value when addressing self-esteem issues. They are as follows:
- All have infinite, internal, eternal, and unconditional worth as persons.
- All have equal worth as people. Worth is not comparative. Although you might bebetter at sports, academics, or business, and I might be better in social skills, we both have equal worth as human beings.
- Externals neither add to nor diminish worth. Externals include things like money,looks, performance, and achievements. These only increase one’s market or social worth. Worth as a person, however, is infinite and unchanging.
- Worth is stable and never in jeopardy (even if someone rejects you).
- Worth doesn’t have to be earned or proved. It already exists. Just recognize, accept, and appreciate it.
- Teaching children these principles will not only assist them in forming worthwhile images of themselves, but also of all their fellow humans.
- Play with your children. Play has been described as “a cherished part of childhood that offers children important developmental benefits and parents the opportunity to fully engage with their children.” (Ginsburg, 2007) The opportunities for play seem to be diminishing as families have extraordinary demands on their time. It is necessary to incorporate play time into our daily routines. It has been said that each child in a family should have at least 15 minutes a day of child-directed play with a parent.
- Children’s developmental trajectory is critically mediated by appropriate, affective relationships with loving and consistent caregivers as they relate to children through play. Play allows children to use their creativity while developing their imagination, dexterity, and physical, cognitive, and emotional strengths. Play is important to healthy brain development. (Ibid)
- Teach your children to be grateful. It is a habit that will help them to be positive and happy. Teach them to think on a global scale and appreciate the things that we all take for granted every day: clean water, indoor plumbing, electricity, freedom, safety, a home, people who love them, education, etc., etc. Make a daily practice in your family of everyone noting things, experiences, and people that they are grateful for at the end of each day, possibly at supper time or bed time.
- Teach your children to have a sense of humor. Being able to laugh at ourselves and the situations that we get into is a great stress reliever. We all face challenges and demands that are difficult, and we all make mistakes. It is wise not to allow those problems to derail us, but to see the humor in them. Model this behavior by practicing this habit yourself.
Curious to learn more? Check out our books, ; How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography, which is also available in ; and .
Need Help with Tough Topics? We got you covered!Mary Ann Benson is a Therapist, Wife and Mother of four.
References
Roum, M. (2009, May 20). Self Worth – 5 Laws to Live By. Retrieved October 10, 2014, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Self-Worth—5-Laws-to-Live-By&id=2371776
Ginsburg, MD, MSEd, K. (2007, January 1). The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds. Retrieved October 10, 2014, from http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/119/1/182.abstract
