By Kami Loyd
Like most little girls, I grew up wanting to be just like my mom. I thought she was the prettiest, smartest, best person ever born. However, she didn’t feel this way about herself and it had a great impact on me that I didn’t quite understand until I was an adult. One of my earliest memories is my mom weighing food on a scale to help her lose weight on her new diet. I also remember my grandmother only eating a single piece of toast with a glass of hot chocolate so she wouldn’t overeat.
In my teenage years I developed a very negative body image that was in small part due to media portrayals of unattainable female perfection and in large part due to the many women in my life who had a negative body image.
Although the women in my life’s words said that I was pretty and healthy just the way I was, what I was learning from their actions was that if I was not perfect looking, I had no value as a person. Unfortunately, I carried this body image with me for years, until I met my husband who helped me to see past my negative body image and begin to appreciate myself inside and out.
Unfortunately, my experience is not unique. A study done by P.A.C.E.Y. found that some children starting as young as 3-years-old struggle with body confidence. The study also found that childcare workers had heard 31% of children label themselves as fat. The research also found that 47% children between 6-10 years of age have body image issues. Another online study found that 66% of teenage girls struggle with body image, and although the results for boys are better 30% of men ages 13-64 also struggle.
What can parents do to help our children, besides simply telling them they are attractive and/or healthy? Here is a list of helpful tips to help our children and ourselves as we struggle with body image.
Recognize when you are struggling with body image. Our children are much more likely to “hear” our actions, whether positive or negative, than to hear our words. Take this short quiz to see if you struggle with negative body image.
- Have you found yourself picking apart every picture taken of you, untagging yourself from a friend’s picture because you look “fat”, or even trying to avoid being in a picture all together?
- Do you choose clothes to hide all of your “bad parts” like your rolls, ugly toes, patchy skin, etc?
- Do you compare your body to models, your next door neighbor, your best friend, a family member and find yourself generally lacking?
- Are the thoughts you think about yourself and especially your physical appearance generally negative?
If you answered yes to any of these questions or even maybe, then you are probably struggling to some degree with a negative body image. Nicole Hawkins, PhD (n.d.) has said “negative body image is a serious problem and has damaging effects on women’s self-esteem. It can lead to depression, as well as an eating disorder.
Changing our world starts with me. Self-love and respect, and the end of prejudice start with one person at a time.” If we are struggling with body image concerns we can acknowledge them and then work to overcome the problem in ourselves. One thing parents can do as they are striving to overcome their own body image concerns, is to set a family goal to live a healthy lifestyle then let your children help you accomplish these things by suggesting exercise ideas, helping create healthy menu options, finding healthy snack options for the whole family, etc. As parents and children work together, negative body image perceptions will begin to change.
Help your child understand the difference between a healthy lifestyle and the nonexistent “perfect body”. Bodies come in different sizes and shapes, and all can be attractive when properly cared for. The pamphlet Help Your Child Grow Up Healthy and Strong (n.d.) reminds parents, “make healthy eating and daily physical activity fun, to help children learn good habits to last a lifetime”(p. 3).
Teach your kids to have body gratitude. It seems that many children and teenagers embrace the notion that only one body type is desirable, which can lead to negative self body image. Yet if they are taught body gratitude, both of these children can learn to be healthy and happy. Parents can do this by having discussions aimed at helping children recognize what they can do. Asking questions to younger children like “what can your hands do that help you to be you?” or “what can your legs do that help you to move?” may need help discovering what their bodies can do such as walk, jump, color, play an instrument, etc . Older children can be engaged by discussing what bodies are capable of doing regardless of physical appearance, such as having children when they are ready, which will help them to be grateful for their body.
Talk to your children about what they see and what they hear. Even if we are consistently modeling positive body image, our children receive messages from peers and media. To help parents do this, Educate and Empower Kids has some great resources including two books, and , a lesson on , and the article. Using these resources, especially reading these books with children and trying out some of the discussion in the workbooks can help parents have meaningful, open conversations with their children about body image.
Consistently teach your children to love themselves. Showing our children in actions, words, and deeds that they are worth loving and helping them to discover that worth in themselves is essential! PBS’s The Whole Child (n.d.) declares, “How your children feel about themselves is one of your greatest responsibilities and biggest challenges. People who have a positive sense of self feel like they have something worthwhile to contribute and a sense of internal worth.” Modeling positive self-talk can help our children learn to love themselves. Sometimes as parents we may not have the best positive self-talk, but we should practice consistently to help ourselves and our children. A great resource to teach children positive self-talk is the lesson entitled “Positive Self-Talk” in our book.
As parents we have the opportunity to foster in our children a love of themselves, which can lead them to feelings of self-worth. Having self-worth will help them to understand their value, that they are unique and their perspective is as valuable as another person’s. Parents can do this by encouraging their child’s healthy habits and reminding them to not be as concerned with what the scale says as with how they feel. This will help their child to love themselves because they will understand their value isn’t based on a number but on what they can do.
Although it may seem that having the “perfect” body is overemphasized in our culture, we can remind ourselves and teach our children better. The examples that I set for myself and my children matter because they are watching. Although I have just had a baby, I am seeking to set a good example for my children by teaching them how amazing it is that my body could grow and care for him, instead of worrying about losing the baby weight. As parents we have the responsibility to nurture our children’s self-worth. We don’t have to fit into society’s ideal, but we do need to teach our children to live happy, healthy, and productive lives.
Take time to strengthen your child! Available in Kindle or Paperback.Kami Loyd received her bachelors of Marriage and Family from Brigham Young University-Idaho. She and her husband have been married for four years, and she is the proud mother of four children. Her interests include reading, board games, and most of all her family. She is passionate about helping her children and others find joy in family life.
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Citations:
Department of Health and Human Services, Department of Agriculture & Department of Education. (n.d.). Help Your Child Grow Up Healthy and Strong [Brochure]. Author. Retrieved November 3, 2017, from https://www2.ed.gov/parents/academic/health/growhealthy/growhealthy.pdf
Hawkins, N. (n.d.). Ways to Overcome a Negative Body Image. Retrieved November 03, 2017, from http://www.byui.edu/counseling-center/self-help/eating-disorders/negative-body-image
Miller, K. (2016, January 03). The Shocking Results of Yahoo Health’s Body-Positivity Survey. Retrieved November 03, 2017, from https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/the-shocking-results-of-yahoo-1332510105509942.html
PACEY. (2016, August 31). Children as young as 3 unhappy with their bodies. Retrieved November 03, 2017, from https://www.pacey.org.uk/news-and-views/news/archive/2016-news/august-2016/children-as-young-as-3-unhappy-with-their-bodies/
PBS. (n.d.). I’m Glad I’m Me: Developing Self-Esteem in Young Children. Retrieved November 03, 2017, from https://www.pbs.org/wholechild/parents/glad.html
