By Tawny Redford
There are things we do on a daily basis that feel mundane and at times laborious. That’s right! You heard it here first! There isn’t a lot of pizazz in brushing our teeth, doing laundry, or even getting out of bed some mornings! These are rituals we do to maintain being civilized human beings. (On good days at least!) However there are some ‘intentional’ rituals that we can do to keep the family ‘in-tune’ and connected to one another.
Daily Positivity. Within my family, I have focused on building a foundation of healthy habits that focus on the mind first. My kids have been aware of the power of words since they were in the womb. They have been taught how vital positive self-talk (the act or practice of talking to oneself, either aloud or silently and mentally (Collins, 2009)) is to the human psyche too many times to count! It is not uncommon to find affirmation cards around our home at any given time. And our daily ritual of playing the “I am grateful for…” game, or listening to one of our favorite motivational speakers on the way to school keeps our minds focused in the right direction. Participating in these discussions together allows us to connect with each other on a meaningful and personal level.
These consistent efforts slowly add up and provide my children with memories to draw from when they are establishing their own family rituals.
Family Dinners. Another ritual is family dinners. Family dinners were a Sunday ritual in my house growing up. We were all scattered during the week but come Sunday, we knew where we were expected to be! In this loving environment, we can connect on a human level not possible in emails, texts, and voice mails.
Without these family dinners, many of us would never see each other or stay truly connected. Because of my parent’s intentional effort to be consistent with this ritual, it has been the key ingredient in my extended family staying connected.
Hosting my own family dinners now that I am a mother is a ritual that my family makes a priority as often as possible. Sitting at the table together, resembling the “Cleavers” from a distance, is not without its adolescent disruptions. However it opens the channel of communication for our family where everyone is heard, their opinions valued, and a place where technological devices are not welcome! So what some may say is impossible to do within a typical busy family, (even considered old-fashioned), is a success for my family because we have made it a consistent priority.
Accessibility. One of the most powerful rituals we can do with our children as often as needed is to be accessible for our children. You could be the neighborhood Martha Stewart and Mary Poppins combined and still fall short with being able to keep your family strong if you aren’t able to keep an open dialogue with your children!
How many learning experiences or object lessons have been missed with our children because we haven’t been available to discuss an awkward topic or even a mundane one? How often have you said “just a minute” as you finish a text or email? Whatever the reason, we need to be who they go to for answers to life’s hard questions and that won’t happen if we are continually putting them off with “just a minute” type moments.
Their questions may not be convenient, but they will decrease the likelihood of your children trying things like: drugs, sex, or viewing pornography to find the truth themselves! The National Institute on Drug Abuse points out “Good communication between parents and children is the foundation of strong family relationships. Developing good communication skills helps parents catch problems early, support positive behavior, and stay aware of what is happening in their children’s lives.” (N.I.D.A, 2015)
There are so many simple things you can do to lead your family in activities and rituals that will reinforce your efforts to stay connected and in-tune with each other’s needs, concerns, and struggles:
- Find a ritual that allows your family’s day to start off with positive energy, confidence, and gratitude. There is endless potential in the moments ‘in-between!’ (Ex: The ride to school or while your children eat breakfast.)
- Eat dinner together as often as possible. Use this time to connect and recap everyone’s day. (Technological devices don’t have a seat at the table!)
- Set aside time to participate in a fun family activity together each week! It doesn’t have to be “Disneyland,” to be a powerful way to stay connected! (Simplicity is effective and inexpensive!)
- Start your bedtime routine a half hour earlier so that there is time to ponder the highlights of each of your day in-between bedtime stories and brushing teeth. (Bedtime routines don’t have to be a circus act and love is the best sleeping aid.)
- Allow your children to voice their opinions and feel heard. They are developing into who they are meant to be and your job is to lovingly guide them on that path. Help them to feel like their ideas are important and that they are the priority in your life-overriding everything including your phone.
Whether these rituals are done daily, weekly, or even monthly, they will arm the family with coping mechanisms, and ways to stay connected. These rituals will also keep the focus on the family and establish home as the powerhouse to learn from and lean on, instead of finding ‘comfort’ in deceiving places. (We know how many are at our children’s fingertips!) We can make these activities time-sensitive, fun, and effective simultaneously! If we want our families to stay connected and continue to embody all aspects of what is a healthy, strong child, then we must make the family our full-time job and not just our hobby.
See our book to find simple, engaging lessons related to this topic and learn ways and activities to help your child be stronger!
Available in Kindle or Paperback!Tawny Redford is a wife and mother of two children. She has a B.A. from Sacramento State University and is passionate about issues involving childhood development. She chooses to use her opinionative nature to empower others instead of drive her husband crazy.
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Citations:
Collins (2009) Self-talk. In Collins English dictionary (10th ed.).
Family Checkup: Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse. (2015, August 15). Retrieved October 28, 2015, from http://www.drugabuse.gov/sites/all/themes/nida_vic_adaptive/images/nih-nida-logo.gif
