By Tawny Redford
One morning while driving the kids to school, (in my typical ‘out of body experience’ mode that I function in every day before 8:00am), I noticed I wasn’t the only one irritable and impatient; my kids were riding in my ‘negativity side car.’ I thought, “This is no way to start a day.” So I forced myself to offer up the only solution I felt would rip us out of our pitiful state; ‘the gratitude game ’! This game challenges kids to name all of the things they are grateful for and it inspires them to delve deep and really search their lives for sources of gratitude.
Needless to say by the time we got to school, the side car had dislodged and transformed into a ‘positivity mobile’ and our grouchy barriers crumbled. Was it a miracle or just a powerful mental shift? We often need a reminder like this that life is so much bigger than our own vanity. If we can step outside of ourselves to witness the potential for joy in all the little things around us then unbelievable things will happen! Here are some reminders about what gratitude can offer us when the inevitable negative “funk” takes over:
- The gift of being present
I have found that to truly be present, (especially for a chronic, multitasking mother like myself), I have to be in a state of gratitude or the ‘distraction thief’ steals the moment. The constant challenge with my children is to stay in the moment with them while still being productive in the rest of the areas of my life. Immersing myself in gratitude allows me to concentrate on the immense blessing it is to be a mother and reminds me that I have the power, right then, “to be a participant rather than a spectator in my own life.” (Emmons, 2010) In addition, I am still my children’s hero and I want to take advantage of that status while I have it. Being present with them helps their self-worth as well because it shows that I believe they are worth my full and undivided attention.
- The power to fight off ‘it’s not enough’
When my kids share their gratitude for things like oxygen, besides making me laugh, it reminds me how much we take for granted. (Thank goodness we are able to breathe right?!) Think how rich we would all feel if we started there and worked our way outward? Because let’s face it, if we can’t be grateful for the simple things, then what makes us think when bigger blessings occur we will be able recognize them for what they truly are? So how can we live in such a way where our children see that we feel we have enough? I make a conscious effort to be aware of the blessings all around me and verbalize it so my kids learn to notice the free pleasures right in front of us. How unfortunate would it be if we didn’t give them the benefit of that trained eye? Once they are accustomed to looking at life this way it will carry them through a very satisfied life, no matter what the circumstances are.
- The power to see outside of ourselves
The blessing of having a grateful heart is that it is extremely hard to feel grateful and vain simultaneously. How incredibly liberating it is to let go of the expectations and control we think we have on our own lives and appreciate all of the many sources of abundance that exist outside of ourselves. Until we let go of the need to take credit for the good that is given to us, we won’t be able to “widen our range of attribution.” (Emmons 2010) We will gain fulfillment from the power of giving while teaching our children what gratitude looks like and that it is worth more than a lifetime of relatively meaningless awards and achievements that much of the world places in high regard.
- The power of resilience
I have always been bothered by people who go through life feeling like victims. They can’t seem to get out of the “it’s all about me” phase that we were supposed to grow out of in our adolescence. When life throws them a curve ball they go into “why me?” mode and curl up in the fetal position. They are miles away from ‘gratitude-island’ because they are not seeing that there is always the gift of wisdom after every trial we go through. How can we grow if we don’t exceed our ‘comfort zones’? Seeing through those challenges is the life vest in the storm “We can give our children the tools to face adversity, learn from it, and emerge stronger on the other side.” (Salcedo 2014)
The gratitude game is a staple activity in our family now and serves its purpose to get us back on the ‘gratitude wagon’ when needed. What kinds of kids do we want to raise; those that recognize life’s abundance and its beautiful depth, or those walking through life too blind to see it when it is staring at them in the face? Leave your kids with a legend based on gratitude, and your wisdom will carry on long after you are gone.
See our new book to find lessons related to this topic and learn ways and activities to help your child be stronger!
Available in Kindle or Paperback.Tawny Redford is a wife and mother of two children. She has a B.A. from Sacramento State University and is passionate about issues involving childhood development. She chooses to use her opinionative nature to empower others instead of drive her husband crazy.
Emmons, R. (2010, November 1). The Benefits of Gratitude: The Science of a Meaningful Life. Retrieved from http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/…/robert_emmons/the_benefits_of_gratitude
Salcedo, M. (2014, January 1). Helping Children Build Resilience. Retrieved from https://sunshinehouse.com/family-resources/resource-library/parenting/helping-children-build-resilience/
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