By Amanda Grossman-Scott
It’s Mother’s day and I wouldn’t dream of making Moms feel guilty this time of year– everyone knows we beat up on ourselves plenty the rest of the year! It’s exactly that subject that I’d like to address Moms about right now.
Remember when you made dinner for your family and then made something different– smaller and less appealing– for yourself? Your child noticed.
Remember when you called yourself stupid for forgetting something? Your child heard you.
Moms beat themselves up constantly and our kids are not immune to the effects of it. You don’t need to tell your kids how wonderful you are all of the time– but beating up on yourself can have very detrimental consequences on your kids. Parents should never underestimate the effects of not just the things we say, but also the things we do. When we allow ourselves to be treated as less than we are or when we remain in unhealthy relationships, we set a setting a poor example.
What can we do to be sure that we are setting the best possible example for our children? Here are 10 examples.
- Tell your kids about how much you love being their mom
- Talk about how good you feel about your body, about the wondrous things it can do and has done
- Mention to your child a struggle you had and how you overcame it
- Brag about your personal accomplishments!
- Provide your own positive feedback when you have done something for your child (“Wasn’t that an awesome lunch I packed for you?”)
- Draw recognition to yourself when you set a good example (“Mom’s phone is buzzing but I’m driving– so I’m not even going to look at it!”)
- Point out to him or her the talents that the two of you share
- Call attention to the nutritious meal you made and how proud you are that everyone is eating healthy.
- Tell your child about a time you achieved a goal
- Share your favorite things with your child. Make sure she knows she is one of them!
If you struggle with body image (and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t), try not to let it show in front of your kids. It’s okay to show your kids that you struggle and that you have weaknesses. But, according to Dr. Debra Gill, a clinical psychologist, parents putting themselves down can send even bigger messages to kids than the need to have an ideal body type. “Parents who act disgusted when they look at themselves in a mirror, or refuse to appear in photographs, may be demonstrating that they are objects to be judged for their appearance as opposed to people who are experiencing life.” (Nelson, 2013)
Teach your children not to objectify themselves by talking to them and about them as whole, talented people. Act as if you never question your self-worth and before you know it, you won’t be acting anymore… and your child is more likely to feel the same way about him or herself!
Happy Mother’s Day you amazing Mom!
Curious to learn more? Check out our books, ; How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography, which is also available in ; and .
Need Help with Tough Topics? We got you covered!Amanda Grossman-Scott is Board Vice president and Head Writer for Educate and Empower Kids. She has written for various magazines, newspapers and blogs and has been active in the journalism industry intermittently for the last 15 years. She studied Journalism and Communications at Utah Valley University. Amanda is from Lancaster, Pennsylvania and now lives with her husband and four children in San Antonio, Texas.
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Citations:
Nelson, J. (2013, October 1). Teen Esteem. Retrieved May 8, 2015, from http://www.njfamily.com/Raising-Teens/October-2013/Teen-Esteem/
