By Carolyn Graham
It can be a parent’s worst nightmare, and it happens way too often. Sexual abuse of children. Something we’d rather not discuss because of its horrific nature, but something we must discuss if we are to safeguard our children from the devastating effects it inevitably leaves. According to research on vera.org, special needs children are 2.9 times more likely to be sexually abused and 4.6 times more likely if that disability is mental or intellectual (Smith, 2013). If precautions are taken we can minimize these statistics. Here are a few tips to protect special needs children from unwanted intimacy.
- Teach your child to reject excessive physical touch. Special needs children are often more physical in their affection than is optimal for their safety. The simple sentence, “Don’t touch me, please,” is critical in helping them understand what is appropriate. Practice and role-play with your child various situations where he can use this phrase. Be clear (and repeat several times) where it is okay and where it is not okay for someone to touch him. Follow up with him at least once a year (and more often if you want) and remind him of what he can say or do in uncomfortable situations (Macofsky, 2015).
If you see others touching your child more than they would a child of similar age or if you just feel uncomfortable, take action and model. You need to stand up for your child and let the adult know you are uncomfortable with the physical affection being directed at your child. This can be done calmly, so as not to put the person on the defensive. You can explain that your child may be affectionate, but that he is not always able to communicate his discomfort. Depending on your child’s learning style, you may need to immediately remind your child of the phrase, “Don’t touch me, please.” If your child will understand and remember the situation later in the day, this conversation can wait. Reminding your child that cuddling and certain types of affection are for immediate family members and grandparents, just like his peers understand, will help him to keep predators at bay.
- Teach your child to respect other individual’s needs for personal space. This can be tricky since special needs children are sometimes strong willed and can be very physically affectionate, but persistence will pay off. Consistently and firmly redirect your child when he or she touches others. Say, “Hands to self,” and gently, physically remove their hands or body from the other person if needed. Predators are known for blaming the victim, and you don’t want to give them any excuse to abuse your child. It may be a battle, but if you are vigilant the rewards will be well worth the cost.
- Avoid vulnerability and choose friends and caregivers wisely. You need a break sometimes, you may need a new spouse, and everyone needs friends. Please take care of your needs so you can appropriately care for your child. It is possible to find good help and amazing support. Just be very choosy when it comes to the more close relationships that involve the care of and interaction with your child. Be wary of those who seem fake or even too eager to help. Pay attention to changes in mood and behavior and how your child reacts to others. Communicate openly with your child and believe them. Using an agency when possible can be a good idea so accountability is higher and will include background checks, which is essential.
- Monitor play dates and hangouts. Always remember the mental capacity of your child and use care in the social settings in which you allow them to participate. When your special needs child gets invited to a play date, it is especially exciting, and it can be easy to say yes without a second thought. However, taking the time to see who will be at the house or location they are going can make a huge difference. When possible, hosting the play date is a great way to keep your child safe from harm. Avoid sleepovers where your child may be especially at risk.
- When it comes to communication about sex, remember your child’s age and treat them accordingly, as much as possible. Even though your child may be functioning on a much lower level than their peers, they will still be interacting with their peers and hear their conversations. They need to be able to process the information and respond appropriately. Let your child know you know what sex is and they can ask you questions when things come up. Start by asking your child what they know about sex. Let them ask questions and give them time to process your answers. Be willing to listen and discuss the situations they encounter. Praise them for coming to you with their questions. Let them know they are not responsible for others actions. Make sure they know how to say “No” to unwanted talk and physical advances.
Taking the time to make sure our special needs children are creating personal space and respecting the space of others, being aware of who our children are interacting with, being present when possible, and communicating about sex in a way each child can understand are all important steps in fortifying them against unwanted sexual attention.
Curious to learn more? Check out our books, ; How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography, which is also available in ; and .
Need Help with Tough Topics? We got you covered!Carolyn Graham has a BS in Interdisciplinary Studies from Texas A&M. She has been a substitute, preschool and kindergarten teacher. She now teaches Special Education.
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Smith, N., & Harrell, S. (2013, March). Sexual Abuse of Children with Disabilities: A National Snapshot. Retrieved 2016, from http://www.vera.org/sites/default/files/resources/downloads/sexual-abuse-of-children-with-disabilities-national-snapshot.pdf
Macofsky, N. (2015, July 08). Social Skills Games for Kids With Special Needs. Retrieved March 22, 2016, from http://www.livestrong.com/article/236359-social-skills-games-for-kids-with-special-needs/
