By Melody Bergman
This is part of a series addressing and the fan culture that surrounds them. In our fast-paced digital world, parents need all the tools we can get interpreting the gaming world (media literacy) and teaching our young gamers how to participate in in a healthy, responsible way (digital citizenship).
Let’s face it. We all have different ideas about video games. But let’s assume—whether you like it or not—your child has encountered a game that is now dominating every waking moment.
Nowadays there are two different kinds of video-game obsession. The first is pretty straightforward. It involves the amount of . The second, however, is a little harder to grasp. It involves fan culture, and it can happen to any child, whether they have played the game or not.
WHAT IS FAN CULTURE?
Fan culture is not a new idea. Remember at Halloween when we used to dress up like our favorite Disney characters? Maybe we got a coloring book or a t-shirt too. Now picture that, apply it to the latest video game, and then multiply it by about a million because of the Internet. That is what our kids are dealing with.
The weird thing is, owning (or even playing) a video game isn’t a requirement for this kind of obsession anymore. Fan culture surrounding some video games has become so thick that it’s possible for kids to become intoxicated before laying a finger on the game itself. I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve been through this with my kids. Maybe you’ve been there too.
Here’s the scenario: Your daughter asks if she can get a certain game because “all the other kids are playing it.” This could be an app for your mobile device, a download for your computer, something for your gaming system, or maybe a combination of these. You’re unsure about it, so you ask her to wait while you look into it.
Soon she starts quoting lines from the game. You ask, “Where did you hear that?” And she says, “My friends and I have been role-playing at school.” Next you find drawings of the video game characters in her backpack and in her room. She starts dressing up like the characters and even sings songs about the game. You ask where she learned the songs, and she says her friends taught her.
When her birthday rolls around, your daughter asks for toys or books or music that involve the game. You look online and are amazed to find that these products actually exist on Etsy and Amazon and iTunes. You explore further and discover a slew of online videos, screenshots, forums, fan fiction, and other content surrounding the game. Has the world gone crazy?
Nope. This is real. This is fan culture.
WHAT NOW?
Fan culture is funny. We can’t ban it from our homes like a physical game cartridge. (Note: For parents who are still debating whether to buy a certain video game, see “” It’s much harder to tell our child to stop role-playing with her friends, drawing pictures, singing songs, or dressing up. So, what do we do about this? Here are some things to consider:
Is the material offensive? Look at the drawings and toys. Pay attention to the play-acting. Listen to the songs your child is singing. (In many cases, my son and I have looked up lyrics online. You can use lyrics.com, songlyrics.com, Apple Music, and other sites to do this.) Isolated from the game, are these things violent, sexual, or inappropriate in nature? Do the words agree with your values? If the game did not exist and you were watching your child play this way, would you be concerned?
What am I really afraid of? The first time this happened to my son, I admit I was terrified. I refused to buy him the game or any of the paraphernalia surrounding it, because I was worried it would encourage his obsession. But he is very creative. He made toys himself with his blocks, drew pictures, and learned from his friends. At his birthday party, kids brought the dreaded toys as gifts. There was no stopping it. Luckily, there wasn’t anything terrible about the content surrounding this particular game. I was just scared that he was so focused on something I didn’t understand. What is at the root of your fear?
How long will this last? Do you remember when your first child was learning to sleep through the night? Or teething or potty-training? Or when he picked up a bad habit that you thought he’d never ever break? When you were in the moment–especially with your first kid–didn’t you feel like your little person would be stuck like that forever? I did. But you know what? Contrary to my fears, it did not last forever.
Just like any fad—or any other childhood phase, for that matter—my son’s video game obsessions have come and gone. In fact, just a few days ago, I stood in the toy section at Target smirking to myself. You know why? Because there is an entire aisle devoted to toys from different video games. Many of the toys and stuffed animals on those shelves used to freak me out. Now they are shoved under a bed somewhere totally forgotten.
TRICKS OF THE TRADE
Over time I’ve become more relaxed when I see another video-game fan culture tsunami coming my way, because I’ve figured out how to cope. Here are some tips:
Translation please? Sometimes when my kids get in gaming/fan culture mode, it sounds like they are speaking a different language: “Man! I’m so sick of everyone shipping Alice and Bendy!” or “These griefers were on yesterday, and they were driving me crazy.” I have no idea what they are talking about. So … I ASK: “What does that mean?” Usually they are happy to explain. Understanding our kids’ languages—whether it’s gaming, texting, or just plain old slang—goes a long way. Communication is always a good thing!
In case you are wondering, “shipping” is short for “relationshipping,” meaning that fans want to see those two characters get together. “Griefer“ refers to a player who intrudes on your game and destroys things you have built.
Stop and listen. Everything in our culture moves so fast, and the gaming world is no different. How are we supposed to keep up with the latest video games? Well, there is a solution. But it’s not always as easy as it sounds: Stop and listen. My boys love to talk and talk … and talk about characters, storylines, and role-plays surrounding the games they are into. But I try to listen. And not that “yeah … uh-huh” passive kind of listening. Put down your phone, look them eye to eye, repeat back what they say. Even if we’re not interested in video games, we are definitely interested in our KIDS. Try to think about it that way.
Look for the silver lining. This might sound overly optimistic, but sometimes these obsessions can be directed for good. For instance drawing, music, and role-play are great things. They are “unplugged” activities that help our kids use their imaginations, develop their talents, and even refine their motor control. If our kids discover subject matter that motivates them to do these things without being nagged, all the better. Believe it or not, thanks to video game fan culture my son has spent more hours tinkering at the piano, sketching in his notebooks, and acting out dramatic scenes with his brother than I’d ever hoped for.
Be present. Don’t judge me, but I had pretty mad Atari and Nintendo skillz back in the day. So when my kids are interested in a game, I try to learn how to play along with them. This has turned screen time into together time—even if they are just laughing hysterically at my efforts. It might not work for everyone, but it works for us! I started gaming with them early, so it’s just a natural thing now that they are getting older.
With video games—just like everything else in parenting—it always comes back to the relationship we have with our kids. The more we care and communicate, the better!
Check out for more ideas on how to connect with your kids. And look for our children’s books on media literacy and positive digital citizenship coming this fall!
Available in Kindle or Paperback.
Melody Harrison Bergman is a mother and step-mom of three awesome boys and creator of the blog MamaCrossroads (http://mamacrossroads.com). She has a bachelor’s degree in communications and has been writing and editing since 2002. Melody has made it her mission to motivate leaders and community members to educate and protect their children. Her experiences as a survivor of sexual abuse and former spouse of a sex addict bring unique perspective to the fight against pornography and sexual exploitation.
